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Illustrations by Mr Angelo Trofa

Weddings are tests of diplomacy at which a dance can be an act of war. You must get it right. No other set of circumstances brings together so many tenuously connected strangers, puts them in a giant tent, fills them with wine and subjects them to the music of Mr Chris de Burgh. If you dance - and you must dance - it will likely be to music you loathe. By your side will be any combination of best friends, old enemies, loved ones, confused pensioners and hyperactive children, and you must adapt. What began as a slow clinch with an amorous bridesmaid to the sensual tones of Mr Marvin Gaye might devolve into doing "The Time Warp" with a four year old. Unlike any other area of your life, the key here is to try to please everyone.

SOME COMMON MISTAKES


It was funny when you and the groom pretended to be Wham! at university. It's not funny now.

Believe it or not, even if the music is the audible equivalent of what happened to Sodom and Gomorrah, it is what the majority of the people at the wedding want. Put the iPod back in your pocket.

You're most probably drunk, you've been dancing for too long and you're hot. This is no excuse for a jacket-off, shirt-untucked, tie-loosened scenario. This isn't your school disco.

AND WHAT TO WEAR WHILE DOING IT...


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