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Illustrations by Mr Angelo Trofa

In my experience when it comes to the manner in which men present their lodgings, the aesthetic tends to fall into two categories: either they live in what look like student digs - regardless of the value of the real estate - or they have a designer do a poor interpretation of New York's Mercer Hotel - a male Mecca. In truth, neither really works. For me, the ideal aesthetic for a bachelor pad lies somewhere between Withnail and I and American Psycho.

Given a lot of men are slightly at sea when decorating their homes, the easiest place to start is with comfort, albeit stylish comfort. If you are comfortable at home then others will gravitate to it as well. If you're considering revamping your pad, think about what you like and how you want to live in it. If it is a place you enjoy, it is less likely to end up with a sports bag in the hall and leftover Chinese take away in the fridge as the only other inhabitants.

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Like your bed sheets, towels are best white (although I rather like pale blue). They should be replaced when they start to lose their whiteness. Oh, and use fabric conditioner. No one likes to wipe their face with sandpaper.

Large black and white photographs of Sir Mick Jagger in the 1970s or racecars from the 1950s, along with CD towers and those lights that hang over the expensive sofa from a large marble block, are all no-nos. Be original.

Be very cautious about buying anything after a long, boozy Saturday lunch. Trust me, this comes from experience.

There's a reason your mother wants to offload all that 1990s furniture on you. Don't let her - or anyone else for that matter.

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