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Illustrations by Mr Joe McKendry

Summertime. A time for festivals, alfresco dining and flagrant foot flaunting. But after months of forcing them to exist in conditions similar to, say, mushrooms or insect larvae, are your feet now up to public airing? Probably not. Summer commuting on the subway or bus offers people an inordinate amount of free time to stare directly at your feet. Woman can and will scrutinise every bump, crustacean and outcrop. So, why not prevent any awkward glances with a little pre-emptive preening? Here, we've compiled some viable tips to get your feet looking more human than hobbit and help you to shape them into the perfect backdrop for that new pair of beach-friendly sandals.


I once met a woman who left a man due to the appearance of his feet and the fact that they used to touch hers in bed. Sure she was a callous, shallow woman, but this tale still serves as a warning. Ignore your feet and she might just love you a little bit less.

Certain designers may still unleash this chin-scratching styling trick at fashion shows but this is real life, and no man should ever be seen in this ensemble.

Men with large shoe collections rarely have bad feet. OK, so we have no proof of this, but we do know that if you wear the same pair over and over again without letting the perspiration dry out, your feet and shoes are basically rotting. Lovely.

Summer Feet