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  • Illustrations by Mr Angelo Trofa

Eleven rain-soaked years as a Glasgow-based cycle messenger might not bring you any amount of financial security, but it certainly teaches you a few invaluable lessons you wouldn't stumble across in your average line of work; mainly, that cycling more than 60 miles a day will bring you the sort of fitness you'll never reach again in your life; that your loins will never quite recover from eight hours on the saddle, that sudden death could be around every slippery corner and lastly, that a puncture is an unwelcome and costly delay to your working day. The latter teaching has had its advantages - even though I gave up the courier game several years back, I can still fix a puncture as if my next pint of beer depended on it. Here's how...