What we’d get should we ever hit the jackpot – jazzy jackets, gold watches and a safe, it turns out.

If we were to win the lottery, we’d like to think we’d take it in our stride, in as unshowy and sensible a manner as possible. You can keep your ostentatious Ferraris and methuselahs of Cristal. Fifty per cent would be split among our favoured charities, the rest would go to pay off our mortgages, leaving enough for a nice holiday home (we hear Holbox is the new Tulum) and a few gifts-to-self from MR PORTER. But where to start? The luxury end of the offering onsite now includes all the brands that pride themselves on using only the finest fabrics, from Himalayan cashmere to Andalucian leather. Not to mention a selection of watches for every occasion. Here’s how we’d spend our multi-millions were a windfall to blow into our bank accounts.

In researching this article, I had the, until now, unprecedented experience of training my browser on MR PORTER’s “clothing” landing page and clicking “sort by price: HIGH”. Even that felt a little bit naughty. And also, perhaps, a little distasteful. Just because you have megabucks, does it mean you need to throw it all away at once? To be honest, my clothing-versus-storage situation is not ideal. The first thing I’d need to buy if I won the lottery is another wardrobe or two, or maybe a new house. But given that I don’t want to move, and don’t want to seem crass, maybe the best approach here is stealth wealth. That is, replacing all my existing basics with the most stupendously amazing versions I can find. That means T-shirts from Prada and boots from Visvim. And OK, yes, I’ll probably chuck in the small indulgence of a rose-gold Jaeger LeCoultre watch. (Note: not the most expensive one. I’ve checked.)

The ultimate luxury for me is to look sporty without breaking a sweat. And if that sportiness comes with the added bonus of cashmere or polished leather, then so much the better. Top of my lottery-enabled list for spring is a signature cashmere sweater by Thom Browne. This grey crew neck has a great fit, a nuanced nod to athleticism and will add a little dash of modernity to a wardrobe classic. I’ve always coveted knitwear by the Los Angeles-based brand The Elder Statesman. Its effortless approach to giving cashmere a comfortable, off-duty appeal is exemplified by this West Coast-coloured rugby top. Once more, a sporty feel without going anywhere near a field or gym. And a backpack that’s both commute- and boardroom-friendly isn’t an easy balance to strike. However, Berluti has found a way with this highly luxurious design that ticks both boxes without looking too bling or too basic. Plenty of room for your gym kit, or a bottle or two of wine.

There is a famous 1950s Italian song, in which Mr Bruno Lauzi sings “se potessi avere mille lire al mese” (if only I could have 1,000 lire every month). I am sure that was a lot of money in the 1950s, but at the current exchange rate it’s about 50p, which doesn’t buy you much. Nowadays, you need a bit more to live la dolce vita, so if I win the lottery I will probably invest in something by Brunello Cucinelli, the pinnacle of Italian luxury. I was lucky enough to visit its factory in Solomeo, Umbria, while shooting a film for MR PORTER and I saw them making this incredible storm-blue trucker jacket. Made from butter-soft leather in the brand’s atelier, it is fully lined and has an internal zip pocket where I can keep my phone and wallet. And because I would travel all year round, I’d need a fancy carry-on suitcase on my first-class flight, and this leather-trimmed suede one does the trick. A travel eye mask by Slip, in silk no less, completes my Wish List.

If I won the lottery, I imagine I would drift slowly but surely into insanity. Free from the restraint of my current economic situation, my decision-making would become, at best, unpredictable. Any clothes I buy will be so far removed from my (relatively sane) pre-windfall personality, they will render me almost unrecognisable. Very useful, come to think of it, given my unstable mental state. Enter, then, this multi-coloured bomber jacket by Saint Laurent, the perfect accompaniment to the substance addiction I will also inevitably inherit. Other substances my riches will afford? Crocodile skin, so let us throw a Santiago Gonzalez backpack into the mix. And to finish my lavish spending spree? The must-have accessory of every multi-millionaire, a perennial pair of sunglasses, which, under no circumstances will ever leave my face.

I have a watch Wish List as long as my arm and a Zenith El Primero Chronomaster 1969 is at the top of it. To date, it has been out of my price range, but to quote Wayne’s World, “She will be mine. Oh yes, she will be mine.” The beating heart of this iconic watch, which is so reliable it hasn’t changed in nearly 50 years, is visible through a window in the dial. It’s showy but not show-offy. Then if I had really won the lottery, I’d need a place to stash the cash. This leather-trimmed silver carbon-fibre suitcase from Globe-Trotter would do the job nicely. Then I’d keep the remainder under lock and key (or rather, combination), alongside the rest of my fine watches, in this sterling silver safe from Asprey. One can but dream.

On the very rare occasion that I do play the lottery, I inevitably end up convincing myself that I have the winning ticket and the jackpot is mine, so I’ve already got a plan for what to do with my winnings – drop everything and escape to sunnier climes. Given this cash injection, I’ll invest in a Prada nylon holdall. It’s hard-wearing and the capacious interior makes it the perfect travel companion. Essential for my new tropical surroundings, I’ll also purchase a fresh pair of Orlebar Brown swim shorts and some Garrett Leight sunglasses for good measure.