Wide-legged trousers, spiked hair, a belt chain… The New Grunger seems to have emerged out of a wormhole from Download 2006. On closer inspection, the carbon metal typeface on his hoodie (where your favourite band used to be) represents the gauche nü-rock stars of angst instead, such as like the Vetements founder and Balenciaga creative director, Mr Demna Gvasalia. Is this grunge? It’s certainly not how you remember grunge. In any case, on his day off, he’ll be found moodily wandering around Dover Street Market, where he secretly hopes one day to meet the love of his life. Although he was born in 2003, he’s somehow doing this whole grunger thing much better than you did. Other adults aren’t looking on with worried expressions this time, but in quiet admiration. It’s not fair and you’re a little jealous of him. Resist the urge to ask if he listens to Korn or Zebrahead. It will only make you feel old.

This man’s friends often joke about him sleeping in a shirt and tie, but that all changed when he watched Succession. First it was the baseball caps, then the gilets and now a hoodie. If he’s honest, he never expected it to feel quite so good. The luxurious cashmere Brunello Cucinelli or TOM FORD piece he bought on a whim for working from home seems to go with everything in his wardrobe. As an experiment, he took his hoodie to Pitti Uomo in Florence last month, styled it with a bespoke Savile Row overcoat and J.M. Weston loafers and stood candidly outside the Fortezza. To his surprise, he even got snapped for some of the big-name feeds. This makes him feel truly visionary (a sartorial disruptor in the tailoring world, if you will). And if the more resolute of his fellow traditionalists object, he will calmly put down his negroni and unearth a Google image he saved of Mr Steve McQueen wearing one, too. Just in case.

The Urbane Duke is all about comfort. His isn’t just a hoodie, it’s a WFH booster suit with the bottoms to match, from a brand that understands understatement (think Officine Générale or Fear of God). You can find him in a hip part of New York, London or Paris, often plugged in at a Scandi coffee shop, Soho House outpost or at Caffe Reggio, where his gluten-free pastry scatters crumbs over his favourite design magazine. A marketing creative or freelancer of sorts, the pandemic was another chance for reinvention, which began when he retired his jeans. He has since decided to put two fingers up to the establishment and wears his hoodie to meetings and dinner parties, often with retro Nike high-tops and a woolly hat he was inspired to wear after a perfect weekend in Berlin, where he one day plans to live. With this new relaxed approach to life, his minimalist fitted hoodie has become his signature, a proud declaration of his commitment to unfussy, casual style. He might never wear a shirt again.

This man’s oversized Aimé Leon Dore hoodie fits perfectly with his sense of irony and mischief. He’s the Throwing Fits podcast in human form. He will sometimes tag you in fashion memes that you don’t quite get, but it’s best not to ask questions and risk being subjected to a Hegelian spiel on satirical streetwear socialism. This intersection of low- and high-brow culture is where this man’s fashion tastes reside, a mix of preppy staples, bucket hats and special-edition New Balance sneakers, all worn with pride on his weekly trip to the Aimé Leon Dore café. When summer comes, he pairs his hoodie with baggy basketball shorts, even though his knowledge of the sport starts and ends with The Last Dance, Netflix’s docuseries about Mr Michael Jordan and the Chicago Bulls. Throughout the year, his search history is a variation of “Adam Sandler street style”, a man whom he is in awe of and considers “the prophet of drip”. You wondered whether he was trolling you when he paired his hoodie with KAPITAL’s cow-print shorts and Crocs, but he’s dead serious. Somehow he is making it work and you can only marvel at his confidence.

He’s not sure how it happened, but he’s ended up in one of those communal jogging groups. He joined to meet new people, but quickly realised that keeping up appearances is as important as breaking a sweat. His collection of Bruce Wayne-esque technical gear, and particularly his bicep-hugging Arc’teryx hoodie, makes him the recipient of envious gazes and compliments. At this point, it’s become his de facto look – wearing a sporty ensemble on his commute before switching it out in the office. It’s always good to be prepared, he tells his colleagues, as he changes for a lunch-time run in the pouring rain. At the weekend, he will jog through the park with his faithful hound in tow. Would he get a matching hoodie for his dog? He’s thought about it. He’s definitely, really thought about it.