As the holiday season approaches, it is likely you will be invited to several parties, both dinner and cocktail. Aside from deciding what to wear (velvet) and whom you will be kissing beneath the mistletoe (it’s nice to be picky, we know, but let’s face it – consent provided – anyone will do), there should be several other items on your party to-do list. Because – and excuse us for causing any undue stress – as important as it is to enjoy oneself at a party, it’s also important to be as excellent a party guest as is humanly possible. A party, by definition, is something of a group effort, isn’t it? So, this is not the time to sleep on etiquette. On the contrary, the holiday season is an opportunity for you to prove your virtue and taste level and to display a level of cultivation and charm that is a cut above, even if you’re just learning it now.

That’s right. Don’t be early, you insufferable goody two-shoes. Don’t even be on time. Unless your host is Ms Martha Stewart (or employing several helping hands), there’s a good chance that at 7.00pm they are still either steaming their face over a pot of boiling water, hopping out of a last-minute shower, hurriedly shoving belongings under furniture, or frantically opening windows to let out the accumulated cloud of stress pheromones.

There are very few circumstances in which we would advise you to be actively late (and of course, you should never be too late), but this is one of them. There’s nothing worse than harrying an already harried host by sitting expectantly in their living room while they fry up the last of their hors d’oeuvres with one hand and pour you a glass of wine with the other. So, if the invitation says 7.00pm, aim for 7.15pm. It’s in everyone’s best interest.

This next tip should go without saying, and yet here we are. Please remember your manners. This means offering to help with little tasks such as uncorking wine, pouring drinks, bringing plates to the table or clearing them after the meal is over. Many hosts will tell you to back off and relax, but you should be offering. An offer of help shows your gratitude and appreciation and proves that you weren’t raised in the forest by a pack of inconsiderate wolves.

The flipside of this is don’t get in the way. If your host is pinging around their kitchen like a pinball trying to assemble a complicated dish, back slowly out of the room and get out of their way. The sooner they finish their attempt at a cheese soufflé, the sooner they will be able to relax and enjoy their evening, too.

After a party, guests get to go home to a lovely, fluffy bed that doesn’t smell of sautéed onions and burnt chocolate. The hosts? They close the door behind the last straggler and turn to face countless used dishes, cheese melted into the carpet and the fragrance of fermenting wine wafting from 15 finger-smudged glasses. They shouldn’t have to confront this nightmare at 2.00am because you just had to tell them one last work anecdote or were so comfortable on their sofa you didn’t notice them vacuuming the rug around your feet.

Get out, for God’s sake. Get out. Do not be the last to leave (unless you’re having a cheeky sleepover, of course). When you see most of the group gathering their coats and kissing the host goodbye, get up and do the same. Plus, the earlier you leave, the earlier you can wake up and send a thank you note – oh, and prepare yourself for the next party.

When you’ve been invited to someone’s home, it’s important to think deeply about how many hours your host will be slaving over a hot stove and then reward him or her accordingly with a thoughtful gift.

But what to bring that will measure up? Wine is always a lovely, if a tad obvious, gesture. Just don’t expect it to be served at dinner (and don’t you dare take it back home with you if it doesn’t get opened). Some discerning hosts might have meticulously planned a menu with a wine pairing, designed their boeuf bourguignon to be accompanied by the perfect red burgundy, or their soubise with a floral, erm, white. If you’re not prepared to bid your bottle adieu at the door, then opt for one of the host gifts we suggest below. Trust us, if you bring a gift you will likely be served the choicest cut of meat, the largest glass of wine and the most luxurious slice of after-dinner cake. You’re not above a bribe.

Is your host a car aficionado? A Herman Miller stan? Think about their interests, then choose a weighty book to adorn their coffee table (and impress their future guests).

Candles nowadays come in a range of attractive and ornamental receptacles – terrazzo, stone, beakers – and make for lovely gifts. Choose an airy scent, not something heavy or cloying, since fragrance is so personal.

This backgammon set is the perfect gift for someone who has plenty of other gorgeous items and the space to display them, or for a friend who hosts ritzy game nights, or, we suppose, inveterate gamblers.

Home gifts are tricky unless you feel certain you know your host’s taste. But here’s a safe one: a clever tool with which to open some holiday tipple.

Your host’s hands are raw and chapped from slaving over a hot stove all day. Bring them a salve in the form of fancy hand cream to keep in their powder room.