Insert Sell Here.

The human body can adapt to almost anything. The operative word here though is “adapt”: whether you ran the London Marathon yesterday, played your first five-a-side game in ages or reorganised your wardrobe over the weekend, an unexpected amount or form of exertion can leave you achier and breakier than Mr Billy Ray Cyrus’ heart. The solution is to be prepared – ideally by, you know, training. Failing that, study these sore subjects to preload your hurt locker with the most efficacious post-workout painkillers – short of popping an ibuprofen.

When you reach the literal or metaphorical finish line, keep going. Coming to a dead halt and flopping in the nearest seat, while sorely tempting, will allow waste products of exercise out, such as lactic acid, to pool in your muscles; when you do eventually attempt to move, you’ll be as supple as the Tin Man. If you can’t, warm down comprehensively, walk for at least 10-15 minutes – even if just to a seat further away.

If you didn’t warm down immediately afterwards, then very light exercise the following day, like walking, will also help disperse stiffness. Also try adopting the yoga pose viparita karani or “upside-down seal”, which consists of lying with your back on the floor and your backside and legs against a wall: it boosts circulation and recruits gravity to drain the lactic acid from your seized-up pins.

Replenish your depleted blood sugar levels with an easily digestible snack of carbohydrate and protein such as Bodyism’s Body Brilliance shake – ideally within the hour. This will also provide the raw materials to repair the muscular microtears that cause the dreaded DOMS – that’s "delayed onset muscle soreness", to non-gym rats. Blend some anthocyanin-rich cherries into your shake: they mainline oxygen to your muscles, speeding recovery.

The prospect of an ice bath isn’t a pleasant one – and it’s not often practical. (Who has that much ice in the freezer?) Instead, switch your shower between cool and warm (nothing too extreme) every two minutes: the alternating constriction and dilation of your veins helps to flush out the stiffness-causing compounds. Then once you’re dry, apply a topical gel containing menthol, such as Tiger Balm, to inhibit your brain’s pain-sensing neurons.

They might give the sensation of being a superhero, but the real purpose of compression garments is to aid muscle recovery, squeezing the blood around your body and transporting waste products away. Slip on a pair of tights or socks under your Incotex chinos the next day and you should feel less sore, if not like Clark Kent.

Just as stretching beforehand has no correlation to post-exercise soreness – which is a signal that you’re not adapted to whatever activity you’ve just done – so stretching after will not alleviate it. Massage will rub you the right way, but too soon and it can actually inhibit recovery. Wait at least 24 hours before letting Sven go to work; in the meantime, use a foam roller to untangle knots, iron out wrinkles and get the blood flowing.