Do you speak menswear? If you can ruin a first date by talking about Mr Raf Simons’ tenure at CALVIN KLEIN 205W39NYC, the answer is yes. Conversations about fashion are often seen as trivial at best, eye-gougingly boring at worst, and not the kind of thing you’d attempt in the pub, unless said pub is, say, outside the Burberry office and someone from the accessories team is having a leaving do.

But times are changing and nowadays, being abreast of the latest designers and tastemakers in fashion is a bit like knowing your Banksy from your Botticelli. Having at least a vague idea of Mr Virgil Abloh or Mr Hedi Slimane simply means you’re engaging with the culture around you by knowing who’s informing it.

In other words, if none of your anecdotes includes a reference to obscure Japanese brands, then you need our handy guide to talking about menswear.

You may not know their faces, but you should know their names. Much like Kanye and Madonna, these fashion designer deities are referred to by insiders by first name only, in what we assume is a stab at pipe-dream familiarity. Our favourite exception is Ms Miuccia Prada, who is known among fashion people simply as Mrs Prada. Here are some of the most eminent people in fashion at the moment (and how to pronounce their names).

Mr Hedi Slimane (ed-ee slim-ahn)

This toothpick of a man (now at Celine) is the reason slim-fitting tailoring became a thing in the 2000s.

Mr Demna Gvasalia (deem-nah vas-ah-liyah)

You have Mr Gvasalia’s creations for Vetements and Balenciaga to thank for the ugly sneaker boom.

Mr Raf Simons (raf see-mons)

Jil Sander, Dior, Calvin Klein. Goodness! Mr Simons is considered by many to be the greatest designer of all time, or GOAT (that’s greatest of all time, grandpa).

Mr Alessandro Michele (a-lay-san-dro me-kay-lay)

He of the sequined suits and models carrying heads down the catwalk. Mr Alessandro Michele reinvented the house of Gucci.

Mr Rick Owens (rik owe-ens)

Mr Rick Owens is almost as well known for his long black hair and muscular frame as he is for his avant-garde, drapey collections.

Mr Dries Van Noten (dreeze van know-ten)

What to say about Mr Dries Van Noten other than he makes perfect, gem-toned silk shirts and art-director-bait loafers?

To speak menswear fluently, you’ll need to scrub up on your vocab. Duolingo doesn’t presently offer “menswear” as one of its languages, but if it did, here’s what you’d begin with.

Fit (noun)

An abbreviation of the word “outfit”. “Jonah Hill really got a fit off yesterday. Did you see it on Twitter?”

Jawnz (noun)

Clothing, but specifically cool clothing. That good designer stuff. “Copped some fire jawnz on mrporter.com.”

Swagless homie (noun)

A friend with no sense of style. “A like on a fit pic means more than you think. Donate to a swagless homie today.”

Flex (verb or noun)

A fashion brag defined either by cost, relevance or desirability. “Odell Beckham Jr wearing a $350,000 watch during a football game was a wild flex.”

LPU (noun)

Latest pick-up, ie, the last incredible fashion item that you purchased. “If your LPU isn’t Comme from the 1980s, you can miss me with it.”

These are the men who wear what the aforementioned designers create and, for better or worse, expose it to the public. An item of clothing or a hairstyle on the right celebrity can start a trend and, while it may look like madness now, there’s a trickle-down effect that might just have us all wearing sparkly harnesses by next year.

**Mr Timothée Chalamet, **the designer darling

In a Louis Vuitton harness, in head-to-toe Berluti, in shrunken Thom Browne. Pick your poison.

Mr Keanu Reeves, the dishevelled maverick

Have you run a Google search for this man recently? The slightly ropey trucker hats! The weirdly slick suits! The po-faced chicness of it all!

**Mr Jonah Hill, **the controversial shlub

This starts with Mr Jonah Hill wearing a basketball jersey with tailored trousers and ends with everyone doing the same in 2020. Maybe.

**Mr John Mayer, **the Japanophile heart-throb

He’s come a long way since Room For Squares. Now he’s a visvim-collecting fashion god to many a young cool dude.

**Mr Frank Ocean, **the low-key coolest

We don’t see much of Mr Frank Ocean, but when we do (the Met Gala, on magazine covers, etc), he always looks fresh out of the box.

**Mr Shia LaBeouf, **the opinion splitter

A generation of young men will follow Mr Shia LaBeouf to the sartorial ends of the Earth. Others can’t stop scratching their heads.

To make something truly iconic, the garment or accessory in question needs to both engage and incense the fashion hive mind. You’ll know something has reached icon status when you outwardly loathe it, but secretly crave it. One of those tiny bags that Jacquemus is known for? Ridiculous! You can barely fit a packet of gum in there. And yet…

The Vetements DHL T-shirt

The first time in recorded history we’ve collectively freaked out over a deliveryman uniform.

The Balenciaga Triple S sneaker

The ugly shoe that launched a thousand uglier copycats.

The Calvin Klein cowboy boot

Mr Simons’ silver-tipped style relaunched the cowboy trend.

The Patagonia vest

The American brand’s recognisable bodywarmer somehow made its way from being a favourite of tree-hugging Shoreditch hipsters to Midtown business bros.

The Givenchy rottweiler hoodie

Only Mr Riccardo Tisci could make a snarling beast look this chic.

Move aside, crust punks, emos and New Romantics. Today’s fashion tribes have social media on their side.

Hypebeasts

Thriving on streetwear and the hype it creates, these creatures live for newness. Oh, and anything by Mr Kiko Kostadinov.

The Nihon nut

Whether it’s a perfectly crafted visvim parka or some leopard-print shorts from Wacko Maria, if it ain’t made in Japan, it ain’t worth their time.

Hipster 3.0

Workwear-clad, with chore jackets and wide-leg cargo pants galore, they’ve swapped avocado brunch for having a baby and they’re gentrifying a neighbourhood near you.

E-boys

A recently defined online subculture of young men who wear belt chains, nail polish and have Mr-Leonardo-DiCaprio-Romeo+Juliet-era hair.

Darkwear devotees

All draped in head-to-toe black and worship at the Rick Owens/Y-3 altar.

The sartorial old guard

Never seen out of a three-piece suit (they sleep in their breeches).