If you thought we were living through a fraught political landscape at the moment, just wait until you hear what people think about men in sandals. Given that they are effectively the most primitive shoe – a slab of a sole attached to the foot with straps – there are plenty of places on the internet where you’ll find questions of whether men should even be attempting to wear sandals in the first place. Genuine answers on Quora and Reddit on the subject range from “No, they look objectively stupid”, to “Yes, but only on a hot guy with hot feet”. I look down tentatively at my own feet, and I’m not so sure I can meet this demand. Still, in the spirit of trying new things, I scroll through MR PORTER and order what I find to be the most promising pair of sandals.

Pre-lockdown, I would not have worn these. Usually, I’m a practical dresser – at least, from the ankles down – and am often running late, so any shoe that won’t let me dash for the Tube is off the cards. Salomon hiking shoes? Absolutely. Fancy Italian sandals? Not for me. But, as much as I have tried, I have never quite managed to be one of those stoic dressers with a “uniform” to stick to. I am all for sartorially reinventing myself every six months – it’s more fun that way, so sandals it is.

Whatever your stance, sandals are – except maybe heels – the toughest category of footwear a man can wear, and there are various levels of difficulty to contend with when choosing a pair. On the easier side, there are Birkenstocks, which are to sandals what vanilla is to ice cream. Classic and reliable, Birkenstocks look good with everything, can be worn with or without socks, and are usually reasonably priced. A tad cheugy (ie, the premium end of basic), perhaps, but relatively safe from inviting ridicule, and always tasteful when worn with a neutral-coloured outfit.

Slightly tougher to pull off than Birkenstocks are Teva-style sandals, first invented in the 1980s and enjoying a renaissance recently (see Prada and Dries Van Noten for the most stylish examples). There are also gladiator sandals with multiple straps, but realistically these will only look good on you if you hail from Mount Olympus. Flip-flops count as sandals, of course, but they simply look out of place if you’re not on holiday. Then you have sporty plastic pool slides, which are a step up from flip-flops – but unless you’re a successful rapper, a crypto billionaire, or an impossibly stylish Australian, you might struggle to pull them off with any real panache.

No, the challenge I’m taking on here is a category of sandal we’ll call “fashion slides”. Distinct from the sporty pool slides mentioned above, these are an emerging category of more style-conscious sandals that are increasingly being made by major fashion houses. The ones I’ve chosen are black, and by Bottega Veneta, with elasticated intrecciato uppers and leather soles. The way the stretchy uppers interlace means that they fit onto the feet with surprising snugness, so there’s little chance of them flinging off if you start walking a bit too fast. I try them with bare feet first. They are comfortable, sure, but they whack the ground as I walk, at least more than I’m used to my shoes doing. Slap, slap, slap. I feel like Jesus, and not in a Mr Kanye West kind of way.

I also learn that however much I try, there are certain places that a pair of Bottega Veneta sandals are just not suited to, and the grimy streets of east London don’t seem to gel with my newly minted feet. Foolishly, I wear a pair of virgin white socks from Sunspel on a walk at lunchtime. (One hard and fast rule here is that if you wear socks with sandals the socks need to be clean and free of holes – sock maintenance is as important as toenail maintenance if your feet are going to be on show.) Within the hour, the socks look as though I’ve been out sweeping chimneys and have taken on the rather bleak colour of a raincloud.

Swap out white for a pair of black or grey socks, though, and they work well, and actually look quite smart. Tailored trousers as well? Now you’re talking. Against my better judgement, I begin to appreciate the louche, slightly rakish appeal of dressing up while wearing sandals. Oxymoronic on paper, perhaps, but wearing sandals with socks out to dinner with a pair of tailored trousers has me feeling like something of an international man of leisure; a lounge lizard in expensive socks. Not as smart as shoes nor as casual as sneakers – and certainly less practical than both – sandals like these are not the footwear choice of a busy person, which is precisely why they feel so indulgent.

You can safely assume I won’t be wearing my sandals out too often in Hackney, but I do plan to wear them somewhere a little more deserving, like out to dinner on holiday in Italy with smart trousers and a linen shirt, or to a beach bar in Miami with tailored shorts and a lightweight tee. Now all I need is a holiday.