MR PORTER imagines the unnecessary remakes we'd still love to see on screen.

It’s official: ’tis the summer of the reboot. The Mummy, Twin Peaks, Spider-Man, Blade Runner, The Dark Crystal – seemingly all of our best-loved TV shows and films are being brought back to life in a valiant attempt to recapture their life-affirming magic (read: to squeeze more money out of something sentimental by making a worse version of it and thereby ruining the precious memory forever). Anyway, never ones to miss a trend, the MR PORTER staff decided to devise their own reboots. Are they ill-advised? Almost definitely. Totally implausible? Probably not! Think of such needless atrocities as 2011’s Conan The Barbarian, 2010’s The Karate Kid, or the 2006 remake of The Wicker Man (with Mr Nicholas Cage and the bees… oh, the terrible, terrible bees). Because: in the realm of the reboot, nothing is sacrilege.

The reboot: GROUNDHOG DAY (1993)

In which Mr Bill Murray gets stuck in a time loop reliving the same day over and over again until he gets it right.

What’s the idea? Director Mr Harold Ramis (who also played Dr Egon Spengler in Ghostbusters, and has a cameo as a neurologist in Groundhog Day) likened the film’s time loop to the Buddhist doctrine that it takes a soul 10,000 years of repetition to make an evolutionary step up. Given that cinema audiences are now on to the third incarnation of Spider-Man in a decade, we’re probably ready to take this to the next level. (Or at least prepared to watch the same film over and over again until the makers get it right.)

The format? Not so much a reboot as a big-screen reworking by Mr Charlie Kaufman – the man behind Being John Malkovich, Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind and Synecdoche, New York – with the real Mr Bill Murray playing a loosely fictionalised Bill Murray stuck in a time loop playing Phil Connors over and over again until he gets it right.

**Who would star in it? ** The real Mr Bill Murray as the fictional Bill Murray (and Phil Connors). With the voice of Mr Aziz Ansari (Phil the groundhog).

What are the merchandising opportunities? The legacy of this film should be as an end point to the very concept of the reboot, leaving filmmakers nowhere else to go and forcing them to, y’know, come up with some original ideas. That or a Lego Groundhog Day follow-up.

The reboot: CHEERS (1982-1993)

The US TV series that focused on the hasbeens, the will-bes and the ex-professional baseball player in a Boston bar.

What’s the idea? Cheers was funny; it was sad; it was great. But why would it work now? Because bars are ever-funny places where people go to escape, drown sorrows, toast success and to get immoderately drunk after work on a Friday with colleagues who you hate. The reboot would take into account modern innovations such as the selfie-taker who elbows you as they strain to “find their angle”, the solitary freelancer taking up a table for four with his Macbook and assorted ephemera, and the bar man who chugs Soylent and really wants to know what you can lift.

The format? Netflix, natch. 24 episodes.

**Who would star in it? ** Mr Rob Lowe and Ms Margot Robbie (with possible selfie-taking cameo from Kardashian spawn).

What are the merchandising opportunities? Beer! Lots of small cask ales. Cheers range of chairs. If it doesn’t breathe, it can be merched.

Your chosen reboot: MEN BEHAVING BADLY (1992–1997)

A British sitcom following the misadventures of slobby flatmates Gary and Tony.

What’s the idea? The original was all about satirising (and revelling) in the excesses of lad culture. This has not only had a (minor) fashion revival in recent years, but there are many new challenges facing men (and masculinity) in the 2010s that could make for more chuckles. Would Gary and Tony consider themselves feminists? Would they spend two hours a day in the gym? Would they knock back eight pints of Stella Artois and then do Tough Mudder the next day? (Yes, yes and yes. They’d also probably be working on a terrible startup idea.)

The format? A 12-episode Netflix experiment. You’d get recommended it if you watched BoJack Horseman and/or The Ranch. Or Bottom. Actually, they should bring back Bottom, too.

**Who would star in it? ** Messrs Jonny Lee Miller and Russell Brand (with cameos from the original cast of Messrs Martin Clunes and Neil Morrissey).

What are the merchandising opportunities? Branded beer Koozies.