A decade ago, who would’ve guessed that a then-unknown app birthed in a California startup incubator would completely capsize the world of dating as we knew it. Yep, we’re talking about Tinder, which celebrated its 10th anniversary in September and has spawned a host of copycats in its wake. These days, almost half of young people aged 18 to 29 in the US have used a dating app, with the conglomerate that owns Tinder and its (less hook-up-inclined) little sibling Hinge raking in almost $2.4bn in revenue. In short, the era where finding love online was once the stigma rather than the standard is effectively a fever dream.

It’s been a blessing for many. Ask any loved-up couple in their twenties how they met and it’s really just a case of which app exactly (“at work” or “at a party” feels utterly quaint in comparison). It’s entirely possible you’ve already attended a Raya wedding or met a Hinge baby – and they’re only becoming more commonplace. With dating apps has come the opportunity to cast the net wider and fall in love with someone we’d likely never have crossed paths with. Still, for those who’ve since settled down and deleted them, there’s surely an underlying sense of relief that they no longer have to navigate that minefield.

The truth is that for many still on the singles market, the thrill and novelty has since given away to what’s being dubbed “dating app fatigue”. Blame the reductive nature of distilling a human being into six photos and a short bio. Blame the feeling of choice paralysis and exasperation that comes with swiping through every singleton in your city. Blame the inevitable ghosting. And so, this Valentine’s Day, with romance atop all our minds, we sought to find out if bringing potential lovebirds together without the algorithms is still an option in the digital age (it very much is). Below, three experts in the art of real-life matchmaking offer old-school romantics a glimmer of hope.

Meet the woman who will help you headhunt The One (for a five-figure fee)

What price would you put on finding your soulmate? How about £18,000? That is the starting price at the international matchmaking agency MacLynn, which is based in Mayfair, London. Set up in 2011 – one year before Tinder – it is run by former business psychologist Ms Rachel MacLynn, who oversees a global team of expertly trained Cupids. On their books are have-it-all “high achievers” from Miami to Melbourne, all of whom just need a helping hand in the romance department.

For that hefty annual sum, clients are granted access to an invite-only network of 20,000 eligible singles. “We work a bit like headhunters,” says MacLynn. “We have more than 150 ambassadors who represent the business all over the world. Our network is essentially made up of the most sought-after single people that we can find globally.”

Rather than presenting clients with an avalanche of attractive avatars chosen by an algorithm, each potential match is handpicked – by a real-life person – based on long-term compatibility. “It shouldn’t feel like a numbers game,” says MacLynn. “Every match that is put forward is very carefully considered. There’s lots of conversation, lots of consultation with the client, so that they’re fully aware of who they’re meeting and why we think the match is appropriate.”

It is the way those ideal matches are settled upon that sets MacLynn’s agency apart. “I knew there were matchmaking agencies out there, but I wanted to do something that really integrated psychology,” she says. More than half her team have psychology degrees and many of them have PhDs. Over the years they have refined their five-step matchmaking methodology.

Before casting clients into the dating arena, MacLynn’s team try to get a handle on their lifestyle, long-term goals and values, and factor in in everything from their upbringing to their past relationships and, most importantly, why those relationships failed. Even those invited into the Open Member Network must first complete a probing multi-page questionnaire.

Unsurprisingly, most clients show up to their first MacLynn consultation with a wish list of superficial requirements. Those are taken into consideration, but the goal is to delve more deeply into what might be shaping them. Does the partner of their dreams sound suspiciously like the ex with whom they admit they had a toxic relationship? “Maybe that sort of partner isn’t going to suit you and we need to take elements from what you’re looking for, refine it a bit, and put a bit more emphasis on some slightly different qualities,” says MacLynn.

Relationship experts and dating coaches are on hand to guide clients through the process. After the first encounter with a potential match, there will be a post-date analysis to gather feedback and do a little more refining. “It’s amazing how many people go on a date and misread the signals,” says MacLynn.

If you want to find someone in time for Valentine’s Day, you might have left it a little late – the service runs for at least six months and it typically takes about a year to find a successful match.

A good chunk of the agency’s clients arrive via word-of-mouth recommendation, which is testament to the success of the MacLynn method. Among her proudest matches is a cross-continental connection that began over Zoom during lockdown (“Two of the nicest people I could ever had the pleasure of meeting”), while her current list includes a “sophisticated American” who’s based in Florida, previously lived in Asia and prefers “European women”.

If you want to employ MacLynn’s services, or simply fare a little better on your own, she suggests “seeing it as a journey of self-growth, rather than just transactional”. In other words, on the quest to track down that seemingly elusive soulmate, don’t underestimate the value of getting to know yourself a little better, too.

The Japanese tradition of gokon, where single people would rally together friends for a “group date”, has slowly fallen out of fashion. But how exactly would one go about hosting an IRL matchmaking mixer in the age of dating apps? Ms Ruby Smith of London members’ club Quo Vadis has a few suggestions

01. The (all-important) guest list

Use your existing network – friends, colleagues, acquaintances – and encourage them to spread the word. It’s vital to have some key players who can create light-hearted conversation with ease to help start the flow for the evening. Ask guests to RSVP by a certain date, so you can ensure a good mix of people.

02. The atmosphere

Hosting at home is a great option, but a venue can make it more of an occasion. It also means you can broaden the invitation and cast a wider net. The lighting should be low and soft, with a few candles dotted about to make it intimate but don‘t go over the top on the romance. Have a good bar, too, as that’s the best spot to spark up a conversation.

03. The food

Everything tends to become a little more formal when a sit-down meal is involved. Canapés mean guests can roam while mingling, rather than being limited to who they’re sat next to. Offer a little something for everyone, such as sticks of baked salsify and parmesan or classic smoked eel toasts. A few interesting nibbles tend to spark conversation and lead people to open up about their food loves and loathes.

04. The drinks

Stick to a few classics. For us, that’s a negroni, which always gets people chatting. You want to offer something that everyone knows and makes them feel at ease, so variety is always a good idea. Make sure to have a beer, a wine and something refreshing and non-alcoholic, too.

05. The music

Music is essential to create the right atmosphere going. An upbeat playlist with a few recognisable songs is our go-to. You don’t want anything too slow, but neither do you want an overbearing playlist that means people can’t hear each other speak. Find a balance, potentially with the option to get a little livelier later, if the party goes that way…

06. The introductions

To kick off the evening, a light-hearted introduction initiated by the host is a good idea. A simple, ‘Hello, my name is…’ and a fact about themselves helps avoid those awkward slow starters. But warn your guests that you plan to do this, as some of them might be nervous about being put on the spot. Alternatively, leave conversation starters on cards on tables around the venue, which can help draw out interesting facts that wouldn’t otherwise come up.

Found yourself on the receiving end of a matchmaking effort? Here’s what psychologist and dating coach Dr Madeleine Mason Roantree would do

01. Get into the why

What makes the matchmaker think you would be a good match with their friend? Think about how well this person knows you and look out for similar values and lifestyle in the description of their friend.

02. Keep an open mind

If you are single and really want a relationship, ask yourself what you have to lose by meeting a potential partner through a friend.

03. Don’t focus on mutuals

It’s natural to want to find common ground, but try not to focus too much about who has introduced you. Simply concentrate on enjoying the company of your date and asking key questions that will help you decide whether they are right for you.

04. Stay mum

If the first date goes well and you decide to arrange a second, should you keep your matchmaker posted? There’s no right or wrong way to go about this, but I would suggest keeping quiet in the early days to allow romance to blossom away from prying eyes.

05. Don’t succumb to pressure

If things don’t go so well, then no pressure. A simple “thanks but no thanks” to both friend and friend of friend should suffice. Remember that this was nothing more than an encounter to see whether there was any romantic potential. If there is not, there is no need to feel upset or embarrassed.