THE JOURNAL
Illustration by Mr Calum Heath
In April 2015, a man named Mr Lucan Hinch from Colorado, US, carried his laptop into an alley around the back of his place of work and shot it eight times with a 9mm pistol. When questioned, Hinch, who ran an organic tea and herb shop with his girlfriend, told police that he had become so frustrated with his computer that he had “reached critical mass”. “It was glorious,” he later told the Los Angeles Times of destroying his three-year-old Dell XPS 410. “Angels sung on high.”
Elsewhere, reported incidences of tech rage reaching “critical mass” have included the restaurant owner who threw his laptop into a deep fryer, the banker who tried to throw his laptop out of a window without first opening the window, and the German man who threw his desktop onto the street below, upsetting his neighbours in the middle of the night – only to be let off by the Hanover police. “Who hasn’t felt like doing that?” reasoned the officer on duty.
Many of us have been there. According to a report by Intel, eight out of 10 American adults have succumbed to tech rage, with 62 per cent admitting to yelling and cursing out loud, 29 per cent hitting their computer mouse and 24 per cent thumping their screen or keyboard.
It’s not healthy. And it doesn’t have to be this way. Not if you follow our handy guide to dealing with tech-induced stress – and avoiding rage against the machine.
01.
Have some self-control
Aside from loss of dignity, tech rage is much more likely to result in damage to your property or yourself than it will do anything to fix the issue. Take it from this writer, who once punched an early-2000s iMac G3 off his desk and ended up in X-ray with a hand injury that still bothers him 22 years later.
Accept that you’re not alone. Yes, your computer is extremely slow and not cooperating with your deadline, the office printer says “paper jam” when there is no paper jam and an email is stuck in the outbox – and it’s only 9.45am on Monday. But you aren’t the only person these things have happened to.
One study says that millions of people experience two types of technology failure every day, or 40,800 incidences in their lifetime. So, you haven’t been singled out. It’s normal.
02.
Understand why you’re mad
Apple – it’s mostly Apple – has done an amazing job of personalising the personal computer. We now customise our tech on multiple levels, from our fonts to our bookmarks to our screensavers of our families. We even talk to our tech (“OK Google…”). The upshot is we can forget that our devices are machines. We’re surprised when they don’t do what we want, and, like disobedient toddlers, we become angry with them.
Tech rage is now more common than road rage. The difference is that road rage is directed at the person driving the car, not the car. The reason tech rage feels so personal is because our tech has become an extension of ourselves, so we take it personally when it goes wrong. But that’s ridiculous. They’re machines.
03.
Put the AirPods down and step away from the computer
You’ve probably heard all the advice about climbing down from the rage precipice before. But that doesn’t make it any less valid. Take a deep breath. Count backwards from 10. Walk around the block. Go moan at your colleague/partner/child.
Practising self-care can help, too. One of the main reasons you’re cranky with your computer is likely to be that you’ve spent too much time at your computer. Research commissioned by one gym chain suggests that more rest, yoga and, er, gym workouts can all help you negate tech rage before it rises.
If you really can’t walk away, try opening a blank Word document and typing out your complaint, like you’re logging a ticket with an IT department. Swear as much as you like. Use a really big font.
Alternatively, head to YouTube and remind yourself why “Angry German Kid”, the viral video featuring an eponymous child screaming at his computer for loading too slowly, and repeatedly hitting the table with the keyboard, making the keys fly off, has reached 6.1m views. Feel better now?
04.
Back up often
You know that guy at the Genius Bar forlornly shaking his head when he’s being asked, “And have you got everything backed up?” Don’t be that guy.
05.
Be nice to the IT department
If your place of work has an IT department, don’t offload your tech rage onto them. Those folks are not paid to be shouted at. Also, they have a job queue and they’ll happily put you at the back of it. (Plus, newsflash: it’s nice to be nice.)
“There’s always those people who refuse to try anything, just demand we come upstairs and fix the issue,” says Ian, an IT consultant with a media company. “I love walking slowly through the open-plan office, unplugging and plugging back in that person’s charging lead, jiggling their mouse to show it works fine, then giving them a big stupid grin and walking back.”
“A large percentage of my users could solve their own problems if they just read the words on the screen,” says Pat, a service desk support engineer. “There’s no excuse for calling me and asking why you can’t log in when I know you received five emails over the course of the last month letting you know your password is about to expire.”
Another one from my own personal Technology Hall of Shame. Years ago, I had a company BlackBerry that required a new password every few weeks. For some reason, I found this unaccountably annoying, and resolved to jolly up the process by changing it to the rudest phrase I could think of each time, for my own amusement. All good fun, until the IT Department called me in for an upgrade and asked for my password to do so. “It’s ‘************’,” I mumbled to the assembled row of men – and women – who correctly identified me as a massive idiot.
06.
Get easy answers
Lagging laptop? Operating system crashing? Slow downloads? Pop-ups that won’t pop down? The majority of computer stress comes from not understanding how to fix what’s in front of you. So, Google it. Find a website you trust with reliable information. Jump into Reddit. Like we said, you won’t be the first person with whatever issue you have. And people love to get those upvotes in exchange for useful advice.
07.
Have you tried turning it off and on again?
This is a catchphrase for a reason. Some things you really shouldn’t be asking for help with. Further anecdotes from the IT department frontline include: users asking for help with their Word documents (eg, “How do I make the text bold?”); someone asking if a “special character” in a password “could include a cat or a dog”; someone else asking if the IT department could “come and load the printer paper”; multiple variations on raising a ticket with a subject line “Shit’s fucked”; plus, tech “issues” stemming from food and drink, ie, a can of Coke split over the keyboard/chocolate bar melted into the fan.
08.
Get a new computer
Sometimes, it’s just time.