The kids of today, eh? We don’t know, you raise them to be free-thinking, emotionally intelligent and empowered human beings and then they come to you with “opinions” and “feelings” and why won’t they just put on the effing clothes that you left out for them? All the while, you must maintain composure, offer comfort and reason with the unreasonable. Lead by example, they say. Easier said than done.

That is unless you take a dive into MR PORTER’s kidswear haul, of course. It takes inspiration from our menswear collections and, well, shrinks them. In short, the world’s best menswear designers, just shorter.

In parenting circles – sigh, school WhatsApp groups – they call it the “mini me” trend, but you can also consider it a mechanism for actually getting your pride and joy into something that isn’t a Spider-Man costume. Below, a selection of items to snap up before your child has a growth spurt. We can’t guarantee they’ll be any quicker at putting their socks on, though.

So, the door is the more common exit strategy, but when it comes to parenting, it’s all about windows. As in how much time do you give yourself to get out of the house. And it doesn’t matter how far ahead of schedule you think that you are, getting a child into their shoes can put a brick through that window. Praise be, then, that Common Projects have found a way to strip down their already pretty minimal adult shoes even further and removed the laces. Try hard-wearing slip-on leather shoes, or teeny laced-up Achilles, if you’re feeling confident/they’re a bit older.

Since its foundation in 1971, Mr Massimo Osti’s OG clothing brand has been part of the conversation around youth culture and tribal trends. Only now C.P. Company is also dressing those still working on their phonics. And while you could put the zingy tones down to the younger demographic, the grown-up line is not exactly shy when it comes to standout colours.

If you have an overactive child with bony limbs, then the knees on trousers are usually the first to go. Which means distressed jeans are asking for trouble, right? Thankfully AMIRI KIDS’ straight-legged pair are made of stronger stuff. Also pop on a trippy tie-dye hoodie and – inevitably – a pair of the brand’s signature skeletal sneakers.

For small people, children come with a lot of stuff. Even when you’re past the age of nappies and pushchairs, you’re still expected to carry around essentials (OK, snacks) for them. Get them to put in some effort and lug their own personal effects with this fetching tote by Marni Kids. And for added branding, the Italian label’s logo tee. (We’re holding out for the fuzzy knitwear in miniature.)

Like constricted children of a bygone era, the Brunello Cucinelli Kids collection should be seen and not heard. And while we’re now happy for our offspring to express themselves more fully – although do you mind turning your tablet down? Where are your headphones? – this Italian master’s clothing speaks in hushed tones, with quiet refinement. Also, these cargo trousers come with numerous pockets for snaffled candy, Pokémon cards and conkers.

Of course, Polo Ralph Lauren’s iconic bear makes an appearance on the brand’s kidswear. We’d certainly favour this grown-up teddy over anything from Poppy Playtime or whichever other horrific video game that kids are into these days. Team it with a smart Oxford shirt – or any of the other items from the rather extensive children’s collection.

The flip side to Ralph Lauren’s trademark ted, Palm Angels’ rebellious decapitated bear features on this hoodie. Also try these jersey track pants for children who are more into the rough and tumble. Just remember: there’s no such thing as a bad kid, although this is a step towards a better wardrobe.

Talk about universal education, Thom Browne’s collegiate look now extends all the way down to preschoolers. This cardigan and these sweatpants come with the brand’s signature stripes for those on the first steps to earning them, let alone learning. The wider collection includes Oxford shirts and shorts, so their entire prep uniform is covered.