Things to ponder when ironing out your final Fantasy Football team.

After a break of roughly 11 minutes following the conclusion of the World Cup, football is back with us from Friday night, this time in its domestic form. The Premier League kicks off with 13-time champions Manchester United hosting one-time (yes, it actually happened) winners Leicester City. Prepare for a TV experience including the usual recipe of bells, whistles, hype, drama and adverts for gambling companies. On the pitch, each new campaign brings with it some certainties: lavishly-paid players, moments of enormous excitement, far more extended moments of tedium. But what else can we expect from 2018/19? Here are six predictions.

Manchester City will win every trophy in existence

Mr Pep Guardiola’s Manchester City were historically good last season, reaching a Premier League record 100 points. Where do you go from a position of such dominance? Upwards, outwards and into strange new realms is our guess. The addition of Mr Riyad Mahrez gives an already-terrifying attack another weapon and the return of left-back Mr Benjamin Mendy from injury addresses the team’s one minor weakness. Look for them to retain the Premier League, take both domestic cups, add the Champions League, sweep the Oscars, clean up at the Brit Awards and win employee of the month, every month, in all of the nation’s fast-food outlets.

We will reach peak video-game-based celebrations

Mr Antoine Griezmann celebrated his goal in the World Cup Final for France by performing his now-familiar “Take the L” dance, on loan from ubiquitous (among schoolchildren) shooter Fortnite. A sure sign that video games are taking over the world, and plenty more will follow. Look out for goal celebrations this year including “the Pac-Man” (the scorer being chased by four of his team-mates), “the Call Of Duty” (a frighteningly realistic simulated sniper assassination) and the ultra-meta “Fifa 19” (in which footballers mime themselves playing a football video game). Maybe.

Mr José Mourinho will assume his ultimate form: a human sulk

The career of Manchester United’s manager has been characterised by an upturn in form in his second season at every club, followed by disastrous implosion the year after. Year two at Old Trafford brought with it second place, which looks like solid work given United finished sixth in the previous season, but it was the miserable, grinding manner with which the team played that sticks in the memory. After a summer of disappointment in the transfer market and a dreadful record in pre-season Mr Mourinho has been behaving more brattily than ever before. A bad start may mean his face stays permanently in its current default position: a pained, livid scowl.

Mr Jurgen Klopp’s bright-white teeth will deflect any difficult questions aimed at him

Liverpool reached the Champions League Final last season before losing to Real Madrid thanks to the mother of all goalkeeping clangers, then that mother’s sister, from Mr Loris Karius. They had done incredibly well to get to that point, but after an off-season of eye-catching recruitment – Mr Naby Keïta, Mr Xherdan Shaqiri and goalkeeper Alisson should all improve the team – it’s time to deliver something more than a near-miss. Mr Klopp, though, is one of the most charming men in football and there is a sense that his agreeable nature and high-octane personal brand sometimes papers over concerning cracks.

Arsenal will be highly amusing, one way or another

Mr Arsène Wenger was forcibly removed after an unprecedented 22 years of service last season. The new man in the big Puma coat is former Paris Saint-Germain intensity merchant Mr Unai Emery. It seems likely that Arsenal will either significantly improve or regress after such a seismic change. Either outcome will be funny. If they’re suddenly fantastic, the years of hilariously entitled rage from their most irritating fans will gain a new element of tragic farce: if only they’d changed sooner! If they’re suddenly much worse, the years of hilariously entitled rage from their most irritating fans will... continue.

Mr Harry Kane will score a goal in August

Following the birth of his daughter and heir three days before his first match of the season, we are expecting the good news to continue for Mr Harry Kane. The England and Spurs striker took home the top scorer’s Golden Boot from the World Cup, both an Actual Trophy and a metaphorical rebuke to those who have criticised him for failing to shine in international football. This will give him all the confidence he needs to finally score his first career goal in the month of August, especially given that his first two games are against the eminently score-againstable Newcastle and Fulham.