Daily “five-to-nine” schedule for productive people: wake up at 5.00am, journal for 20 minutes, hit the gym by 5.30am followed by a high-protein breakfast at 6.30am, then meditate for half an hour at 7.00am before basking in the glow of the self-actualised being you’re becoming while the rest of the world sleeps.

This is what a good chunk of the £30bn self-help industry tells us that a good life looks like. Stick to this strict routine, build these atomic habits, vibrate on a higher frequency (whatever that is). TikToks, YouTube, podcasts, books, ChatGPT responses, all pushing us to do better, to be better. But does any of it actually work?

One of the overarching goals of the modern self-help movement is a focus on productivity. Because productivity means success, and success means happiness, right? But if you take a moment, look closely and even isolate some of the language used in this type of content, you’ll notice that phrases such as “high performance” and “high value” can be used interchangeably to describe a person or a product – and that’s where the problem lies.

Wanting to evolve is good, it’s even natural. But if you’re so consumed with being better than yesterday, you’ll start to chip away at your humanity. My smartphone also makes regular updates and adopts new features to promise a better performance. But, unlike me, it’s immune to having a bad day.

What happens when you have a rough night’s sleep and miss your 5.00am wake-up alarm? What about if work is stressing you out so much that you have to skip the gym to meet a deadline? Or if things are so chaotic that you start ruminating instead of meditating? These situations are normal, but when you’re on a strict path of self-improvement, the final destination is always going to be guilt.

A rigorous pursuit of self-improvement doesn’t allow us to roll with life’s highs and lows. In fact, it can have the opposite effect. A pilot study in the journal Neural Plasticity found that consumers of self-help books are more sensitive to stress and show more depressive symptoms. Even if it’s for the seemingly noble cause of becoming a better person, self-help often makes us sad because it causes us to think too much about ourselves, which really defeats the whole “no man is an island” thing. If you’re consistently moulding yourself into a perfect being, there’s going to be hardly any time left for other people.

Male loneliness is on the rise, with some studies finding that 15 per cent of men now have no close friends, up from three per cent in 1990. This trend is not simply sad, it’s dangerous, with some research suggesting that lonelier people are unhealthier and even tend to die younger.

Even if you try to build community, overindulging in self-help shines a light on the flaws in others. So, instead of asking your friends about their interests, you worry about whether they’re investing in the right stocks or properly protecting their gut health, like this “expert” said in that podcast you listened to over the weekend.

Becoming the best version of yourself is a journey without an end. Which is why self-improvement must be pursued in moderation. Here are three science-backed tips you can (loosely!) follow to help you achieve balance and feel good, no matter what life throws at you.

It’s not enough to WhatsApp a meme once in a while. You have to make the effort to see your loved ones face-to-face – and your partner and children don’t count. A 2025 study found that time spent with friends and even acquaintances is strongly correlated with a feeling of purpose in life, regardless of fatherhood or relationship status. So, instead of watching the match alone, rally your friends down to your local club. That guy you always nod at in the gym? Maybe stop referring to him as “that guy from my gym”. Find out his actual name and start training together.

A new study in the journal Applied Psychology: Health And Well-Being has discovered the “happiness paradox”, in which people drain their energy trying to pursue happiness, ultimately lowering their self-control and willpower. As a result, we become more susceptible to temptation and to making self-destructive decisions that make us less happy. Your six-step morning routine may make you more productive and even feel good for a while, but if it becomes too much to maintain, don’t force it. It’s OK to pull back.

Say a man called Jeff recently got dumped. When he eventually thinks about the situation, saying “Why is Jeff upset?” instead of “Why am I upset?” may sound weird, but it’s helpful. Studies have found that referring to yourself in the third person creates more psychological distance from the experience, helping you better regulate your emotions.

Ultimately, it’s important to remember that your happiest self is not always your most productive self. It’s however you define it in a life that makes room for your humanity. Your you.