Social dynamics expert Mr Jordan Harbinger tells us how to really get ahead in the modern office.

It happens a few times a week: you’re presented with a little window of opportunity to persuade, to influence, to score a workplace win. But what separates those whose ideas are championed and actioned, and the man whose thoughts fizzle out into awkward meeting-room silence?

Ask Mr Jordan Harbinger – social dynamics expert and host of The Art of Charm podcast – and he’ll say the answer isn’t macho body language or a deep voice: it’s rapport.

Sure, it takes a little longer to take effect than so-called five-minute “social hacks”, but Mr Harbinger’s method has been adopted by a formidable audience. Aside from his four million monthly listeners, he’s coached executives and military special forces personnel, and been a mainstay speaker at Silicon Valley monoliths like Apple, Google and LinkedIn.

“Rapport-building is the best way to be persuasive,” he says. “If people know like, and trust you, they’re much more likely to take on your feedback or ideas for consideration.”

One thing to note: these habits, like good wine or leather, gain value and character over time. In the arena of the office, success comes through the long game. So let’s get going, then.

A worrying trend is taking hold in corporate towers the world over, fuelled by TED Talks and airport bestsellers. Power poses, the “perfect” handshake, pseudo-dominant body language – throw it all out, says Mr Harbinger. “You want to build allies – not show people that you’re the chief gorilla. Forget all that power-move type of stuff. It’s very obvious. It’s embarrassing. Everyone can see it except for the one that’s doing it, and it lowers their status. It shows other people that you’re not there to be cooperative – and nobody will want you to win at that point.”

“You lose nothing by treating everyone at the company like you would the boss,” says Mr Harbinger. Going out of your way to chat with, humanise and champion the oft-discarded members of the team – the new junior staffer, the overworked IT crew, the shy but motivated up-and-comer – is not only a decent thing to do, it can pay dividends. The voice that gives your idea traction and momentum? It may come from the most unexpected person in the room.

Mr Harbinger has a twist on the legendary Glengarry Glen Ross maxim: forget closing – always be giving. That means throwing your weight behind someone else’s difficult project, giving enthusiastic (and public) credit where it’s due, or staying a little late to lend a hand. “It works really well. The problem is, people keep score. It’s a covert contract: ‘I do all this stuff for you, and eventually you’ll have to do something for me.’” But execute this philosophy well and the end results will speak for themselves. “You might help 99 people and get nothing in return,” says Mr Harbinger. But the 100th person might land you a coveted role or promotion, “or introduce you to your wife”.

Another worrying, prevalent phenomenon is tricky to spot, but unmistakable once identified: those who feign listening, but are simply waiting for their next window to interject. Not only is this rude behaviour, says Mr Harbinger, it’s also handicapping your opportunity to influence. “If you listen to what the other person is saying, you have a huge advantage – especially if the relationship is adversarial.” Careful listening will give you clues to the other person’s desires and hesitations, which become crucial pieces in any argument you need to build. “Sure, you have a little less time to formulate your response, but the advantage more than makes up for that.”

One body language moment that has an undeniable effect on how you’re perceived? The first impression. Mr Harbinger’s solution: pre-programme it, so that you can focus your mind on the task at hand. “You need to remind yourself to stand up straight, chest up, shoulders back, chin up.” For this, Mr Harbinger recommends the “Doorway Drill”: remind yourself to adjust your body language each time you walk through a doorway. Soon enough, it’s second nature. While it sounds innocuous, Mr Harbinger says the knock-on effect can be substantial. “It determines the way someone treats you. We want to programme people with our non-verbal communication.” Confidence begets confidence, he says, and: “Once people see you that way, treat you that way, you start to behave that way. It’s not a personality hack – it becomes who you are.”