Hungover? Try tucking in to a smoked eel sandwich.

The hangover is a challenge as much psychological as it is physical. Mr Kingsley Amis, in Everyday Drinking, describes the “vast, vague, awful, shimmering metaphysical superstructure that makes the hangover a (fortunately) unique route to self-knowledge and self-realisation”. That said, there are several practical steps one can take to reduce the horrors of the morning after a heavy drinking session. Whatever your strand of hangover (and Sir PG Wodehouse identified six, naming them “the Broken Compass, the Sewing Machine, the Comet, the Atomic, the Cement Mixer and the Gremlin Boogie”), the following foodstuffs, consumed in the following order, will help restore your humanity. Good luck.

The least interesting part of surviving a hangover is also the most crucial. “The worst part of a hangover is caused by the dehydration that alcohol inflicts on your body,” says personal trainer and fitness expert Mr Tim Walker. “Acting as a diuretic, alcohol leaves your body starved of both water and vital electrolytes. The obvious trick here is to be really sneaky and drink plenty of water during the night out, so it’s a glass of water with every drink in the best case. If you don’t want to be seen ordering water, then the second best move is to down a litre or two of water just before bed. Both these moves should reduce your levels of dehydration and have you feeling a little better.”

You think you want a bacon sandwich. You don’t. Honestly. The grease will sit in your stomach and leave you feeling infinitely worse. Instead, grit your teeth and have a juice. “Opt for vegetable juices, as these contain far less sugar than fruit,” says nutritionist Ms Sarah Ann Macklin. “Beetroot juice is my go-to when I’ve been drinking, as beetroot is great for cleansing and supporting the liver. Plus, beetroot is a good source of iron, folate (a B vitamin) and high in betacyanin, an antioxidant, to fight all those free radicals in alcohol.”

Unlike the verboten bacon sandwich, coffee is a natural craving to which you can submit. It’s a diuretic, though, so keep your water levels topped up. “The caffeine in coffee can make you feel more alert,” says Mr Walker, “but it also lowers the level of an enzyme that is known to cause liver damage and heart disease.” A black Americano will go a long way towards righting the wrongs of the night before.

That’s right, smoked eel. “The brain is made up mainly of fat and it’s your foggy brain that needs a real boost after a night on the tiles,” says Mr Walker. “Smoked eel is full of omega-3s and protein to restore brain function and the high level of vitamin A will boost your lowered immune system.” And, as Ms Macklin explains, eating eel can also steer you away from impulse bingeing. “Packed with more protein than an egg, eel helps to increase satiety levels (which can decrease when you’re hungover), meaning you won’t crave food as much,” she says.

Finally, we have blessed confirmation of one of the more counter-intuitive theories of hangover survival. “Hair of the dog is real,” says Mr Walker. “With a Bloody Mary, the vodka actually mixes with the alcohol in your system to get you a little drunk again, so you just feel good as a drunk man again. The tomato juice helps soak up the alcohol molecules. Then the salt helps you soak up and retain more water to counter-balance the dehydration.” Complete your recovery with a lunchtime drink (or, if needed, two). You have survived. All will be well. Onwards.