It’s taken me a while (and even some therapy), but I’ve learnt to reassess my goals, and to be even more thankful for the many good things I do have in life (even if Brad Pitt doesn’t WhatsApp me on the reg). Naturally, it’s an ongoing process. I’m very lucky to get to write things for a living, and I have a nice life, especially when considering words such as “austerity” and “food bank” have become commonplace in the UK and, globally, citizens of less wealthy countries are having to deal with devastating effects of climate change on a daily basis.

Even if we weren’t teetering on the brink of catastrophe, it probably makes sense to reassess your goals every now and then, right? From a purely selfish perspective, surely, we need to check in with how our lives are going, even if that means recognising things aren’t quite where we imagined they’d be. Whether it’s in your career, personal life or artistic goals, there are worse things than quietly admitting defeat. In fact, compromise can be beneficial, helping us focus our energies elsewhere. And reassessing your goals can lead to a happier, and healthier outlook, as Janette, 35, found out.

A trained integrative therapist, Janette married her best friend at a young age. Life was good, until illness intervened. “I didn’t realise how co-dependent [my husband and I] were until I developed autoimmune health issues,” she explains. “That took me down a really intimate path of self-discovery: what does it mean to listen to my body? What does it mean to live in my own integrity?”

With a very real, life-changing event intervening, Janette was forced to reassess her ambitions. She and her husband broke up, and she is now studying for a master’s degree in anthropology while working as an integrative therapist. It was a painful time, but, through necessity, she was able to reinvent herself – and her goals – for the better.

“I adore my work. I adore studying,” she enthuses. “And I adore the relationship I have cultivated with myself after a lot of devastation and heartbreak. I feel like I am living in alignment with who I know I am now.”

Akvile, 32, wanted to be an artist. Now, she’s in marketing. “In my early twenties, I studied painting in Vilnius Art Academy, and later studied at the Brera Academy in Italy,” she says. “The typical young artist ambitions.”

It’s an inspiring story for anyone interested in a creative career. But the further she went along that path, the more. Akvile realised it was no longer what she really wanted. “It took me 10 years, three countries and multiple jobs in fashion and interiors to realise that the dreams I had earlier were likely influenced by circumstances and youth, and were not necessarily bad, but needed to be updated,” she says.

Akvile had the forethought to take an honest and objective look at her career path, and rethink what would make her happy.

“I don’t think those dreams were silly, perhaps slightly naïve,” she says. “The main benefit [of reassessing your ambitions] is that you avoid resentment or built-up regrets. Our values and dreams change over the course of our lifetimes and they absolutely should.”

It makes sense that dreams we hold as teenagers or in our early twenties might not survive exposure to adult, working life. “In my experience, our expectations for our lives – our goals and our dreams – come in phases,” says Mr Rob Brennan, a CNHC-certified life coach and mindfulness tutor. “When we are very young, our goals and dreams are restricted to the things that we are able to see, and don’t have any particular semblance as to what someone may actually do when they ‘grow up’”.

In other words, our early dreams are influenced by our lack of experience of the adult world. You might watch Peter Pan as a child and want to fly, but as you grow up, you learn human beings and flight don’t mix. As a result, you become content taking planes instead. That doesn’t mean you’ve given up; that’s just reality.

Edward is a doctor and a father. He had dreams of becoming a top surgeon and was well on track – until children came along. “I’d always planned on starting a family,” he tells me. “For a long time, I thought I could do both, but I realised I was always putting the kids second. My dreams came up against real life, and I chose real life.” For Edward, compromise didn’t mean giving up his career, just reassessing his options.

“It was a difficult decision to not pursue a specialty, but I’ve since become a general practitioner, work closer to home, and have more time with the children,” he says. “That fulfils me, which in turn means I’m more fulfilled at work. As you age you learn to put your ambitions in service of something greater – like a family – instead of just pursuing your own happiness.”

The idea that we’ll reach happiness just by completing a certain goal isn’t realistic, either, because life doesn’t end there. Even if we achieve our dreams, we might not find long-lasting happiness. “I work with a lot of entrepreneurs as well as actors, celebrities and sports people,” Brennan says. “They may be on their second career or third business.” It’s Brennan’s job to help these successful people readjust to what comes next.

We have to be happy in ourselves throughout our journey, whatever that journey holds. It’s when we refuse to accept that we can’t have it all that problems arise, as Mr Milan Kapetan, a Zen master who also goes by his formal name Shi Heng Dao, explains.

“At the outset, we have a powerful youthful energy, an optimism, a feeling that there is plenty of time, an absence of fear about the future,” he explains. “This is natural and vital for us to acquire the skills necessary to survive. [As we age] we become a being full of experiences, thinking, habits, scars, fears and strong attachments. As a result, when we reach this midway point of life, we may find ourselves clinging to situations – jobs, relationships, ideas about ourselves – that no longer bring us happiness. We may feel unable to let go for fear that we may be perceived negatively by those around us or that we may lose our status in the world.”

In other words, it’s natural to feel that we have to compete with others, and that if we don’t do the things we set out to do, we’re a lesser person. It simply isn’t true. “This way of thinking creates an unbalanced way which sooner or later leads to stress, frustration and unhappiness,” Kapetan explains.

Instead, we need to accept that not all of our dreams will come true, and that adjusting our goals as we go along is the adult thing to do. Think of yourself as a sailor, constantly resetting your sails against storms. To not do so would be folly. It doesn’t mean you won’t reach your final destination, just that it might take longer. Or you might end up in a different, unexpected, but even better destination. And none of that can be described as failure.

I’m inspired by stories of people actively readdressing their goals – and the greater sense of purposefulness they feel as a result. It isn’t about giving up, or not having ambition – it’s about figuring out how your ambitions fit with your life right now. I’ve since written a few more books, the last one is pretty good. The next one might be better. Their audience is growing – gradually – and that’s great. For now, it’s about enjoying life, and work, as they come.

“The first thing to realise is that life is in a constant state of change, moment to moment nothing remains the same,” Kapetan says. “Truly understanding and accepting change is the first step towards a more balanced and happy life.”

Amen to that.