The five rules to follow for a fun, festive and suitably spooky affair.

All across the world, pumpkins are being sliced open, bowls are being topped up with candy corn in anticipation of the trick-or-treating hordes, and frat boys are putting the finishing touches to their Harambe outfits.

It can all only mean one thing. Yes, that’s right: Halloween is upon us once again, and with it one of the most eagerly anticipated – not to mention hotly contested – party weekends of the year. Competition for guests is fierce, and a great deal of social capital is on the line. Throw a good party and you’ll be riding a wave of goodwill from here all the way to Thanksgiving. Throw a bad one, and it’s likely that nobody will speak to you ever again.

With that consideration firmly front of mind, MR PORTER has produced a last-minute, five-step guide to throwing a ghoulish bash that won’t be a horror show.

Halloween just wouldn’t be Halloween without the inherent threat of being murdered in cold blood by a serial killer in a creepy mask. We have Mr John Carpenter’s seminal 1978 slasher flick, Halloween, to thank for that. That being said, there’s really no need for you to make Halloween any more terrifying than it already is, especially given the current “trend” of teenagers prowling the streets in scary clown outfits. Turn your party into a safe, fun, space where you’re free to revel in the more kitsch, joyful traditions associated with the US’s favourite pagan festival, such as dressing your dog up as Harry Potter.

As the host of a Halloween party, you are arbiter and proconsul of all things sartorial. As such, your guests will look to you to establish a clear costume policy. Whether it’s on the Facebook invite or via text, impress upon them the grave importance of arriving in costume. And be specific. Lead them to believe, for instance, that the very spirit of Halloween depends on their best efforts to replicate their favourite cartoon character or internet meme. If you suspect that any of them might require further guidance, direct them to our guide to spooky dressing, here.

A good Halloween playlist should sit somewhere between cheesy floor-fillers and left-field obscurities. Avoid Mr Michael Jackson’s “Thriller”, “Monster Mash” and “The Timewarp” from The Rocky Horror Picture Show, all of which are examples of the former. At the other end of the spectrum is the likes of “Bela Lugosi’s Dead” by Bauhaus. Sure, it’ll prompt nods of approval from your more erudite guests, but at more than nine minutes long, it’s likely to leave your dancefloor as dead as the Hungarian-American horror actor after whom it was named. For a happy compromise, try something like “Scary Monsters (And Super Creeps)” by Mr David Bowie – appreciated by chin-stroking critics and half-cut party guests alike – or one of Mr Nick Cave’s atmospheric murder ballads (he’s got a whole album of them).

If your party is not the evening’s ultimate destination, then it is not technically a proper party. It is merely pre-drinks for wherever your guests happen to go next. Since there is no legal way of holding friends in your home against their will, try to encourage them to stay of their own accord. One way of doing this is to isolate and subdue individuals whom you suspect of fomenting party unrest. Should they suggest heading out to a particular club, for instance, you may wish to venture that you’ve heard that it’s haunted. Of course, the best way of encouraging guests to stay at your party is the simplest: keep the bar well-stocked. Which leads us neatly to…

And when we say well-stocked, we’re not just talking about quantity. Be creative. Try administering shots to your guests via a syringe while dressed as a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon and making disparaging comments about their complexions. Don’t forget about food: an Instagram-friendly selection of canapés can do wonders for your party’s social media coverage. If you’re thinking of making novelty snacks, try to keep them looking edible. One member of the MR PORTER staff remembers recoiling in horror a few years ago at the sight of a selection of Halloween cupcakes that were decorated to resemble maggot-infested open wounds. Mightily impressive, but far too revolting to eat.