It is a mad, mad, mad world, and MR PORTER is here to help. In this column, appearing fortnightly, we – with help from our friends and family of experts, insiders and wise sages – will answer your most pressing questions on style, etiquette, wellness, grooming, the workplace and everything else besides. Have a question? Drop us a line at asky@mrporter.com and we’ll do our darnedest to sort it out. Welcome to Ask MR PORTER. 

A. For anyone lucky enough to have missed the ongoing nightmare with the right-wing nutsos trying to start a second Civil War in the US, our pal Mr Jonathan Evans, the style director at Esquire, has written a great primer on it all. Because these loons, who call themselves “boogaloo bois”, have appropriated aloha shirts as part their wannabe war-wear, this is indeed a valid question – and of course any time is a good time to re-evaluate everything we buy, everything we wear and with which we exteriorise our values, intentionally or otherwise. (In this spirit, it is worth noting that aloha shirt is the name you should use if you’re referring to a traditionally patterned article made on the Hawaiian islands; for everything else, aloha-style is more apt.) To better answer it, we asked Mr Evans what he thought.

“I don’t think the Hawaiian shirt is cancelled by any means,” he said. “It’s a classic summer shirt, for one thing. For another, there are a whole lot more guys out there who simply want to wear the shirt because they appreciate it than there are self-styled ‘boogaloo bois’, though those guys are unfortunately growing in numbers and, it seems, propensity to actually act on their violent rhetoric. By no means should the rest of us let them co-opt the Hawaiian shirt as a symbol.

“The thing is, aloha prints now come with the possibility of being mistaken for one of those despicable types, so I would avoid pairing them with anything even vaguely tactical or military influenced. And definitely don’t wear them to a protest. Instead, wear an aloha shirt while donating to or volunteering with anti-racist initiatives, or while working to push legislators to pass lifesaving, common sense gun laws. Also, take some time to understand and better appreciate the origin of the aloha shirt, which involves some very cool cultural interchange but also is tied up in a painful history of colonisation and commodification.

“While you’re at it, it’d be a good time to read up on the histories behind ikat and batik and anything else that you might like the look of but not know much more about. One of the really great things about menswear is the opportunity to geek out – the stories behind the clothes we wear make wearing them that much more enjoyable. When there’s a chance of sending the wrong signal or blindly appropriating something with a rich cultural tradition, that depth of knowledge is all the more crucial.”

A. “Sheesh,” says MR PORTER’s US Editor Mr Chris Wallace, “I don’t know if I even want to have that conversation. I’ve put on something like 40lb in my pasta-panic, so my re-emergence is going to be something akin to Mr Benicio del Toro showing up in Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas, but I digress. I’m going to need all new clothing, is my point. But, to your point: What an amazing opportunity to open up the chrysalis and reenter the world as the ‘you’ you’ve wanted to be but felt too self-conscious or whatever to inhabit. You will never have a better time to go big, go weird, go different – to come out of lockdown in feather boas, in a coat and tail, in drag, in your new uniform.”

Maybe you always wanted to wear a jaunty ascot around your neck just so? That’s you now! Brass tacks, though, first steps: buy clothes that fit you now. Not the “you” you were, or even the “you” you will be when you get back to bootcamp. Then, as Dr Dennis Gross told us recently, get some vitamin D, stat. Sip some sun, at safe social distance, and with some SPF on, obviously. And maybe make your first date with the barber? Just a thought.

A. A couple of years ago, we wrote about the ways in which the 1999 film Fight Club anticipated the way we were dressing 20 years on – tracksuits and Hawaiian shirts, funnily enough. And one of the reasons for the ubiquity of sweatpants, then, at the peak of the athleisure bump in menswear, in 2018, was this new tailored hybrid of sport and casual that so perfectly meshed with our WeWork-at-10-Hiit-at-noon lives back then. Then and now, one of our favourite versions of this modern iteration of the sweatpant is this sporty Rhude pair with the sort of pseudo-team-uniform vibe, but the construction of something far more luxurious. (When he debuted these, of course, Rhude’s Mr Rhuigi Villaseñor paired the pants with a kind of pyjama shirt in what he called his “traxedo” – the perfect post-isolation outfit if you ask us.)

If you are looking for something with a little more throwback-swagger, Gucci and Palm Angels do some jazzy and even velour sweatpants. And if you are going for that LA-househusband vibe, these by The Row are made for you.

A. That this is even in question is alarming; but in 2020, it is also hardly surprising. When a teensy, scream-y fraction of the population frames any act of compromise, let alone consideration, as an outright assault on their fragile positions of privilege, when insecurity parading as machismo runs a country, of course these twits will see the miniscule inconvenience of wearing a mask as a threat to their masculinity, to their freedom. Don’t buy it; don’t be that guy. (And, sorry, when did Mr Tom Hardy look anything but awesome wearing a mask?)

But if that tiny discomfort, if that perceived weakness of being seen behind a mask is more important to you than the wellbeing of the very vulnerable among us… well, we just don’t know what to tell you. The science on this is overwhelming. But, if that’s not enough, maybe folksy wisdom does it for you? To borrow from the writer and producer Mr Beau Willimon; wearing a mask is like wearing a seat belt. “Seat belts don’t stop you from driving. Masks don’t stop you from shopping or walking. It’s the [absolute] bare minimum to ensure safety.”

Well that all depends on the message you intend to express, doesn’t it? A protest is about being heard, felt, seen in the collective. You needn’t feel pressure to announce yourself, necessarily, especially if you feel as if that might in any way put you at risk. If on the otherhand, you are happy to fly your personal flag, or the flag of those you hope to champion or represent, we applaud you. For the more Mr Marvin Gaye-minded among us (“only love can conquer hate”), our pal Ms Emily Bode recently laid out a DIY instruction for making a lovely little “sweetheart” shirt. That seems right for a nice, bucolic love-in picnic in a park.

But if you prefer your protest to be more meme-able, silkscreen slogan tees are very much the jam. Congresswoman Ms Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez shared a handy little one-sheet on phone settings and things to keep in mind when marching for justice – expect the best, plan for the worst. It’s a shame it is already so hot in New York as we really dig the all black, turtleneck and beret vibes on the street (call us old-fashioned). Sensible sneakers and comfy socks seem an obvious choice, but above all else, friends, please stay safe.