THE JOURNAL
John Slattery, Jon Hamm and Vincent Kartheiser in Mad Men
The big end-of-year blowout was once the centrepiece of most companies’ social calendars. (Although, at the end of the calendar rather than the centre of it, for obvious reasons.) But times have changed, and so has work – as has the work party, as a result.
In some sectors, that’s partly down to entertainment budgets not being what they once were. But also, there’s that whole global pandemic that shall remain nameless, which interrupted our run of festive shindigs, and so we forgot how to do it. And then there’s the fact that, for many of us, remote working is increasingly a reality, meaning that our “office” is often a make-shift desk on the kitchen table, and our “colleagues”, a cat.
So, where does that leave the annual jamboree, to celebrate whichever winter holiday of your choosing? With you reliving past glories – those of this year and shindigs gone by – dressed to the nines, that’s where. And with these new rules of the office party to hand.
01. Don’t be a grinch
In the age of hybrid working, getting the whole team together – in one place, not on Teams – is something of a novelty. Embrace it. Enjoy it. Don’t spend the night moaning about being there.
02. Dress up
Don’t wear what you wear to the office, even if the office party is in the office. Your employer has made an effort with the refreshments, music and lighting. The least you can do is look lit.
03. Beware the free bar
Drinks always taste better when someone else is paying for them, right? But have too many and you’ll end up paying for it one way or another. And don’t drink on an empty stomach. Clock where the canapés are coming from, set up camp and tuck in.
04. Don’t live stream the event
No one needs to see your behind-the-scenes footage of “the event of the season”. This is not the Boiler Room or an audio-visual extravaganza in the Las Vegas Sphere. (Or so, in this economy, we assume.) Save your Twitch feed for Grand Theft Auto.
05. Don’t snog a colleague
It may sound like a good plot for a romcom, but locking lips at the office party is a good way to familiarise yourself with the HR department – for all the wrong reasons. There are better settings, where you can actually hear each other over the music. And if they really are “The One”, it can wait.
06. Have fun, but not too much fun
You may not remember what happened last night, but that doesn’t mean everyone else won’t. Avoid the gnawing anxiety that comes with not knowing what you did – and, worse, wondering whether other people in the office do – by, er, not doing it.
07. Don’t say goodbye
Whether it was the French or Irish who pioneered this tactical retreat, they were on to something. When the stories loop back to the ones you’ve already heard that night, that’s your cue to leave, before “one more round” becomes yet another.