THE JOURNAL

Illustration by Mr Luke Brookes
New year, new you. Things will be different this time, right? Perhaps 2023 was a difficult one – it was for many of us. Add the wider cost of living, war and climate change to your own personal battles and the actual, practical journey to making things better becomes daunting. Start a new exercise regimen? We’ve tried that (and maybe failed). Write a list of goals we want to achieve? Probably done that, too, and it’s sequestered in a drawer somewhere. Research shows that more than 80 per cent of new year’s resolutions fail by February. The reality is that one ill-considered strategy picked from of a whirling pool of nebulous positivity won’t work. Instead, we must identify the most important challenges we face – and find out how we can address them.
So, where do we actually begin? And what are the changes we can make that will really… well, change things? Self-help books can get a bad rep. And, sure, they shouldn’t be your first recourse when dealing with extreme mental health crises. However, they offer a wealth of accessible expert knowledge and powerful insight that can help you implement small, positive tweaks to your daily habits and behaviours – things that you can actually stick to. Looking after yourself, mentally, physically and practically, helps you to be a better person not only for yourself but for those around you.
01. Foster deeper connections
The US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention states that “social connectedness can lead to longer life, better health, and improved well-being”. But what’s holding many of us back from the “quality” aspect of quality time is the ability to deeply connect with those around us.
In How To Know A Person, writer Mr David Brooks offers a powerful polemic on the importance of fostering these deep connections, stating that, “there is one skill that lies at the heart of any healthy person… the ability to see someone else deeply and make them feel seen – to accurately know another person, to let them feel valued, heard, and understood.” Brooks argues that in doing this, we not only open up the opportunity to be better understood ourselves, but it can create a stronger social system that will ultimately impact the greater good of humanity as a whole.
According to Brooks, we can get there by nurturing specific skills that help us get out of our own heads and become more vulnerable with others. In particular, active listening and asking the right questions. “It’s by sharing our griefs with others, and thinking together about what they mean, that we learn to overcome fear and know each other at the deepest level,” Brooks writes.
The first step
The next time you talk to a friend, fully engage in the conversation. Put your phone away, sit up straight and pay attention. Listen intently and don’t formulate your response until they have stopped talking – this avoids your mind wandering while they are still talking.
02. Talk to yourself
“If we want things to change, we have to start with ourselves,” writes Lady Philippa Perry in The Book You Want Everyone You Love To Read. The psychotherapist also takes a long look at how we connect with others, but turns the focus further inwards, exploring why and how we build beliefs and patterns of behaviour – and how to understand them, take responsibility for them and identify “where they may need updating”. Lady Philippa argues that even when we are at our most powerless, “we still have the ability to choose how we think, how we organise our body and how we relate to others”.
How we practice this is by making a conscious effort to choose which thoughts we allow in. “There’s a difference between thoughts and thinking,” Lady Philippa says. “You’ll have thousands of thoughts a day. Latching on to a thought turns it into thinking; you fertilise it. So, latch on to the good ones and let the others float by.”
The first step
Practice assessing your own thoughts and the source of your reactions. The next time you have to have a difficult conversation or need to set boundaries, “speak in ‘I’ statements, which define your own experience, and not ‘You’ statements, which are a judgement on the other person.” For example, “I felt like X when this happened” rather than “You always do X”. This will also help you to reflect on how and why you feel the way you do.
03. Lean into “going delulu”
TikTok has a new trend, and it’s “going delulu”. The idea is that we set wild goals and then will them into being by becoming delusional – simply convincing ourselves that whatever we want will happen. Yes, it’s a Gen Z rebranding of manifestation, the well-known early 2000s concept that involves asking the universe for what you want and believing you’ll get it. Maybe it’s nothing new, but countless studies have shown that a positive mindset decreases anxiety and leads to success.
In his book The Greatness Mindset, entrepreneur and high-performance business coach Mr Lewis Howes argues that one of the key obstacles people face on the path to living their best lives is that they lack a clear vision of what they want, leading them to feeling hopeless and aimless. What we should do, Howes says, is find our purpose – or “Meaningful Mission” – and lean into it.
“The first step in discovering your Meaningful Mission is to be honest with yourself about yourself,” Howes writes. We must see ourselves clearly so that we can ask what we really want. Once this mission is established, Howes leads us through a framework for putting our new positive game plan into action, providing a “fear conversion toolkit” and discussing how to address past traumas and coping mechanisms. After this, it’s time to give yourself permission, accept the challenge and get on with it.
The first step
Before you can write your Meaningful Mission manifesto, Howes suggests an exercise in which you create a “perfect day itinerary”. First, envision what your perfect day would include – what are you doing, who are you with, how do you feel? Write this down, then create an hourly itinerary based on that. Next, choose one or two achievable things on the itinerary and do them tomorrow. You’re on your way towards manifesting your perfect life.
04. Find a cheat code for productivity
Ah, that satisfying feeling at the end of a day when we’ve got everything done. Similarly, we’ve all experienced that bubbling anxiety when dinnertime comes around and we’ve accomplished nothing. Thankfully, the high-performance coach and host of The Mindset Mentor podcast Mr Rob Dial believes he has the answer to help you to stop procrastinating, focus and “upgrade your life”.
Dial urges us to concentrate on right now, aiming to achieve just one per cent more each day through a series of micro-actions. “There is no other day except for today,” he says, so don’t worry about what will happen in 10 years or even a few months from now – do what you can and it will all add up. “The harsh reality is that you cannot change your life until you commit to deciding what the first step is and taking it,” he says.
So, how do you put this into action? First, remove distractions and create a calm workspace. Then, figure out a routine that works with your energy schedule. “You don’t have to be the smartest, fastest or most talented to reach your goals,” he says. “You just have to be the most consistent.”
The first step
Do you find it hard to focus when you have multiple tasks going on at once? Try the Pomodoro Technique. Remove all distractions, then set a timer and work on just one task for 25 minutes. Take a five-minute break – ideally outside, without your phone – then work for another 25 minutes. Do this a total of four times. You’ll be surprised how much you get done.
05. Establish a creative practice
We often think that resolutions involving creativity must include concrete products – “I will paint every week” or “I will write a draft of my novel”. But the creative process itself can have the most profound effect. The writing practice “morning pages” was first described by Ms Julia Cameron in her book The Artist’s Way, published in 1992, and this seemingly simple writing exercise has transcended it’s somewhat new-age roots to become beloved by creative people worldwide.
The premise is to write three pages on whatever comes to mind every morning – even if it might be nonsense. Now Cameron’s new book, Living The Artist’s Way, offers a deep-dive into her final tool, writing for guidance, which involves writing out specific questions and then the answers that come to mind. Both techniques can help make us aware of previously unconscious knowledge, desires and worries.
The legendary record producer Mr Rick Rubin is also interested in themes of awareness in relation to creativity, both from internal and external sources. In his book, The Creative Act, he suggests that creativity “is a fundamental aspect of being human”.
Rubin offers practical guidance and explores a framework for creativity, from seed to experiment, crafting and finalisation. His advice also involves establishing rituals and habits around the creative process – so if your goal this year is to improve creativity, focus on the small daily steps and enjoy the process.
The first step
In the morning, as soon as you wake up, fill three sides of A4 paper with writing. It can be a stream of consciousness, but it must be in longhand. Write whatever comes to mind, and if you can’t think of what to write, simply write that you can’t think of what to write. Repeat ad infinitum.
06. Live your rich life
No doubt there are plenty of us who start the new year with a resolution to revamp our finances, whether it’s saving for a big-ticket item or clearing some old debts. Mr Ramit Sethi, the straight-talking personal finance expert and author of The New York Times bestseller I Will Teach You To Be Rich recognises that financial goals are different for everyone. Sethi’s refreshing, no-nonsense approach considers what being rich means to each of us and shows us the steps for getting there.
Sethi talks about money in a way that is engaging and approachable. He believes that “anyone can be rich – it’s just a question of what rich means to you”. And reading his book, you start to believe him – he started from humble beginnings himself, and the text is peppered with real-life testimonies from those who followed his advice.
While one of the biggest take-homes is – unsurprisingly – to live within your means, Sethi shows you how you can actually do that through reducing costs and optimising your money. For readers who think investing seems a million miles away from their current set-up, Sethi empowers us to realise that it’s all within reach – just start small.
The first step
While Sethi offers a full six-week programme, these initial steps can be taken right now to get yourself on the road to financial security. First, check all your credit cards or debts, see which you need to pay off first and up the payments to whatever you can afford, then call to negotiate down your APR rate. Telling them you’re looking to pay the debt off more aggressively should work.
Next, utilise the “a la carte” method for subscriptions – cancel any discretionary services you pay for (really, everything) and start paying only for what you use, on a case-by-case basis. Then, figure out your finances – you should ideally be spending 50 to 60 per cent of take-home pay on fixed costs, 10 per cent on investments, five to 10 per cent on short-term saving goals and the remainder on guilt-free spending. Finally, set up a stocks and shares ISA and start paying in whatever you can afford each month.
07. Be your own therapist
In his book How To Be Your Own Therapist, psychologist Mr Owen O’Kane offers a condensed introduction to therapy. The first half is a crash course, covering everything you’d explore if attending therapy sessions. The key work here is in discovering your real-life story – the truth of your past and how it affected you, rather than the version we tell ourselves and others – and figuring out what you want from the future. “Understanding who you are, why you act as you do, knowing what you want and what to let go of will open the way to a sense of calm, control and clarity,” O’Kane says.
The second half of the book provides a plan for 10 minutes of daily maintenance through self-therapy – these are smart, short techniques that you are encouraged to complete in the morning, lunchtime and before bed. O’Kane describes these as life-affirming and transformative, “a time when your entire self will be acknowledged and accepted with compassion.” That time consists of emotional check-ins, gratitude practices, grounding techniques and journalling, as well as practical suggestions for putting what you have assessed into practice.
In Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? clinical psychologist Dr Julie Smith also focuses on the life skills and tools that can be used to look after our mental health on a day-to-day basis. This ranges from advice on how to improve physical health, sleep and nutrition to meditation, mindfulness and self-soothing practices such as taking a long bath or using breathing techniques. Try working one of these into your daily routine and see how it helps.
The first step
Before you go to bed, take some time to reflect. As part of his evening routine, O’Kane suggests looking at the lessons of the day. These don’t have to be lightbulb moments, but ordinary experiences that can teach us something. “Try to pinpoint the moments when you felt strong emotions,” he says. “What thoughts were you having throughout the day? Were some old beliefs triggered?” Spend some time thinking about these prompts each evening. Practised regularly, you should begin to see patterns and gain greater understanding of your daily struggles.
