Fatherhood is a lifelong job. It’s a role that comes with a wealth of rewards and plenty of challenges. There is no masterplan, rule book or job description. You learn as you go – and will invariably make mistakes along the way. To celebrate Father’s Day, we asked the wisdom of dads who’ve discovered that by actively engaging with their children, maintaining positive communication, and demonstrating respectful relationships, a father figure can have a profoundly positive impact on children’s lives.

Immerse yourself in fatherhood from the start – changing nappies, feeding, health checks, bath time. Do whatever you can. A BMJ study found that when men are confident in their role as a father in the early years, it leads to fewer behavioural problems with children when the teenage years kick in. And make sure to share the chores – a University of British Columbia study found that daughters grow up with greater career aspirations when their dads share more of the domestic workload.

“Most new or busy dads tell themselves they don’t have time for exercise,” says health and fitness journalist Joe Warner. “But that’s because they think working out requires hours per week, which isn’t the case. Consider getting a running buggy or a baby seat for your bike. Even a 20-minute power walk is a great way to get your heart pumping and feel-good endorphins flowing.”

A 2020 study published in The Lancet found that children of fathers who experience mental health issues may also face challenges. Hence, fathers maintaining good mental health and seeking support when they need it can play a significant role in their children’s development.

“Kids don’t come with a manual,” says David Levey, founder of the DADpreneur Club. “Build yourself a support network where you’re free to share your worries and struggles as a dad.”

“Children model their dads’ behaviour in all sorts of ways,” Levey says. “Improve just one small thing in your daily life. Then another and another – and so on. Rinse and repeat.” You could choose to refrain from being negative or complaining about work in front of the kids. “Doing this will have profound benefits for your kids – and for you, too.”

“Make sure to praise your child’s effort, commitment and improvement – not whether they win or are successful,” says Gordon MacLelland, father of two and CEO of Parents In Sport. Research from the University of Cambridge found that dads can cultivate warmth by expressing love, offering praise and providing comfort and security.

When fathers engage positively with their children, it leads to fewer behavioural problems and improved cognitive abilities – as a 2017 study published in the Journal Of Family Psychology demonstrated. Showing an interest in their interests will help build emotional support over the long haul. “I have learned the power of play,” says Bodé Aboderin, author of Fatherhood By Papa B. “Whether it’s playing board games, having a dance party or going on a hike, spending time together in a playful way helps us connect.”

Talk out loud to them even before they can speak. Read stories, news items and social media posts to them. Sing in the car and ask them grown-up questions they don’t yet understand, such as, “What should mummy and I have for dinner tonight?” They’ll look at you blankly, laugh, or mimic your mouth movements – all of which are good. Research from the University of North Carolina found that a father’s vocabulary has a stronger effect on a child’s language development than a mother’s.

Recognise the experience of your partner and support in the challenges they might be facing. “For someone suffering with postnatal depression, the simplest of tasks can sometimes seem like a mountain,” says Mark Williams, a mental health campaigner and author of Daddy Blues. “As the new dad, you’ll most likely be the first to witness her symptoms – even if you don’t know exactly what they are.”

“As a dad, it can be tempting to want to give my children everything they want and protect them from any discomfort,” Aboderin says. “I have learned that saying ‘no’ when necessary is important for their growth and development. It teaches them that they can’t always get what they want and helps them develop resilience and problem-solving skills.”

A study in the Journal Of Marriage And Family concluded that fathers who model respectful and loving behaviour in their relationships provide a powerful example for their children’s future relationships. This includes how fathers treat their partners and how they navigate disagreements and conflicts – in all areas of their life.

“Children are quick to notice adult behaviours around them,” MacLelland says. Don’t be the angry dad on the sidelines of the sports pitch. “Be respectful to your child, the coach, the referee and other children playing the game. If you display positive behaviour, then your children will see this and act accordingly.”

Studies show that children whose fathers are “highly involved with their kids’ schooling” earn better grades. Merge the school calendar with your own to make sure you don’t miss the next parent’s evening, school performance and the parents’ race on sports day.

“Put down your phone, turn off the TV, and give your children your full attention,” Aboderin says. Studies show that in the UK, “quality” family time together is a mere 34 minutes a day on average. “Being present with [my children] has helped me understand their needs and build trust with them. When they want to show me something, I take the time to look at it and ask questions [and] when they want to talk, I listen with empathy and without judgement.”

“Comparisons are the thief of joy,” MacLelland says. “They can be inaccurate and have a detrimental effect on you and your child. Children mature at different times, particularly during puberty, but also before. It’s important to focus on their individual technique and skill acquisition as opposed to physical outcomes.”

Fathers who demonstrate high emotional intelligence – understanding, managing and appropriately expressing their own emotions – are more likely to raise emotionally intelligent children. This boosts children’s emotional and social skills, contributing to their overall wellbeing, according to research published in the Journal Of Family Issues.

Encourage your child’s natural curiosity by providing opportunities for learning and exploration. Take them to a foreign country where they have to order their dinner, or where you all have to read a map to get around – your kid will quickly learn that they can handle more than they realise.

What do you call a small mother? A minimum! “Bad jokes are a wonderful kind of teasing,” says Clay Nichols, co-creator of US father’s advice channel DadLabs. “We’re playing with the expectations that our kids have of us old people. The best possible result is my teenage daughter trying to conceal a smile.”