THE JOURNAL
Mr Magnus Carlsen vs Mr Hans Niemann at The Sinquefield Cup, Saint Louis Chess Club, Missouri, 4 September 2022. Photograph by Ms Crystal Fuller, courtesy of Saint Louis Chess Club
Professional chess has been making some weird moves of late and we’re not talking about the Toilet Variation, although that might still come into play. The strategy game that can be traced back 1,500 years saw a huge leap forward with the 20th century’s modern theory followed by the era of computer domination. But nothing since Deep Blue beat Mr Garry Kasparov in 1997 has rocked – or maybe vibrated – the game quite like its current scandals. Huge cash prizes are said to have led to groupies, drunken fights and the alleged use of sex toys to cheat. MR PORTER asks what the grandmasters think they’re playing at.
So, remote-control vibrating anal beads. How’s that for an opening gambit?
We assume you are referring to the recent accusations of cheating that world chess champion Mr Magnus Carlsen has levied against Mr Hans Niemann, a rising star of the game.
And the sex toy is supposed to smooth over their relationship?
The sex toy is one of the rumoured methods of cheating, but we’ll get to the bottom of that later. Let’s start at the beginning.
The ancient Indian strategy game chaturanga?
Not that far back.
OK, so, queen’s pawn two…
A solid opening, the Queen’s pawn game was how Carlsen kicked off his match with Niemann in last month’s Sinquefield Cup. Coming into the tie off the back of an unbeaten 53-game run in over-the-board chess, Carlsen had the advantage of playing with white and was looking to control the centre of the board. Niemann, meanwhile, was the lowest-ranked player in the tournament.
But…
But, 57 moves later, Carlsen resigned, forfeiting the game to the 19-year-old American.
And he was fine with that?
Carlsen withdrew from the tournament the next day and announced his decision by tweeting a video of the football manager Mr José Mourinho saying, “I prefer really not to speak. If I speak, I am in big trouble.”
Ah, the Mourinho Flounce.
The former chess world champion Mr Garry Kasparov called Carlsen’s move “an act with no precedent in the past 50 years, and his explanation is required”.
So, Carlsen was implying that Niemann cheated and Kasparov was implying that Carlsen was a sore loser. What did Niemann say?
Niemann said he hadn’t cheated, but, to quell speculation, admitted that he had used computer simulations, or chess engines, in the past to win games. His reasoning was to improve his ranking and his game. “It’s sort of black and white for me,” he added, perhaps unhelpfully.
Did it quell speculation?
Not really. Between Niemann’s admission and Carlsen’s non-accusation accusation, the online chess community filled the gaps with wild rumours, including the aforementioned anal beads.
How do the anal beads fit into this?
Don’t.
I mean where… No, OK, what have they got to do with it?
One suggestion – and we’re going to call it out as scuttlebutt – posited that Niemann was using such a device.
How would that help?
You’d need someone on the other end using a chess engine, relaying potential next moves. It took a supercomputer to beat Kasparov in 1997, but today, anyone with a smartphone could beat a world champion such as Carlsen. And, at this level, the margins are tight.
…
Not that tight. To compound matters, Chess.com issued a 72-page report speculating that Niemann has cheated more than 100 times and as recently as 2020. It also called the grandmaster’s meteoric rise “statistically extraordinary”. But the misgivings go deeper.
…
Rather, all the way to the top, implicating a further four of the world’s top 100 players, who have since confessed to cheating.
Don’t they know that cheaters never prosper?
They do if they don’t get caught. The prize money for winning the Sinquefield Cup was $500,000 and there’s more to be made by playing chess online. In the age of Twitch, the time-honoured game has gained a following to rival cutting-edge esports. Streamers are said to earn millions of subscription dollars to play fast-action “blitz” or “bullet” games. Online gaming has fuelled this resurgence, but it has also made it easier than ever to cheat. And the bad behaviour doesn’t end there.
Tell me more.
Last year, a video emerged of the five-time US champion Mr Hikaru Nakamura brawling with another grandmaster in the street after a drunken blitz bout went sideways.
You don’t say.
Then there are the other trappings of the circuit. “The groupie side of it has always been there, although not as much as rock bands,” an unnamed source told The Guardian. Even before streaming platforms and the Netflix drama The Queen’s Gambit, Carlsen played a big part in making chess cool. A grandmaster since the age of 13, the 31-year-old Norwegian has a side hustle in modelling and came 10th worldwide in Premier League Fantasy Football in 2019.
I’m more of a Buckeroo man myself. What of Niemann?
Niemann has offered to “strip naked” while playing future games to allay suspicions, but he has found it hard to shake off the doubters.
If only he had a gadget for that…