Remember those 1990s T-shirts from Californian brand No Fear? T-shirts with slogans such as “Losing is very bad so I’ll let you do it” or “If you can’t win don’t play”? Well, here’s a story. Aged 11, I went on holiday to Florida and bought several of the T-shirts in question. I swaggered around Miami with a bowl cut and train-track braces, trumpeting my will to dominate to the world at large even though I could barely catch a tennis ball. Why? Because the US sells sports, and competition, better than anyone. And it has exported it worldwide, not just in questionable clothing, but in films that promote an obsession with winning to suburban teenagers who’ll never own a letterman jacket.

This March Madness, as collegiate basketball tournaments in the US are known, to help you build your own couch-bound sense of indefatigable prowess, we’ve picked the best movies to feature the handsome jocks, peppy cheerleaders and power-crazed coaches who make up the varsity dream.

[Editor’s Note: As you may know, March Madness has been cancelled due to concerns about large crowds amid the coronavirus pandemic. Since we can’t be watching our favourite college teams battle it out on the court, why not watch these movies instead? Not the same, of course, but they’ll get you fired up for sports’ eventual return. Go team!]

If you’ve watched Cheer on Netflix, then the single-minded focus of coach Ms Monica Aldama might remind you of the sadistic Bud Kilmer from this 1990s classic. In a small town in Texas where high-school football means everything, Bud is determined to win, even if it means pumping players full of steroids and ruining their futures in college football. Featuring the much missed Mr Paul Walker as the golden boy quarterback and Mr James Van Der Beek with a questionable dye job as the (sort of) outcast who gets a chance to be a legend, it also involves a scene with whipped cream that will burn itself into your brain for ever.

The most ubiquitous trope in sports movies is the team/teenager/coach whom no one thinks can do it – who then does it. Based on the real-life story of college footballer Mr Rudy Ruettiger, now a motivational speaker, Rudy (1993) is about a man who plays American football at Notre Dame despite being only 5ft 6in tall. Iconic. Look out for Messrs Vince Vaughn and Jon Favreau in their first film roles and imagine them coming up with the plot for_ Swingers_ between takes.

Mr Adam Sandler is finally getting critical recognition for his brilliant performance in Uncut Gems, so perhaps it’s time to revisit this earlier smash hit, which is both endlessly quotable and edging on problematic. Rudy and The Waterboy (1998) are broadly the same story – teenager proves everyone wrong while playing football – but while the former comprises hard training at dawn and po-faced monologues about reaching for your dreams, The Waterboy is poking the competition in the eye and chowing down on swamp snakes.

What happens when you leave college? You go from being the best of the best to being just another guy trying to make some cash. If you’re Billy Hoyle, you head to Venice Beach and start hustling other basketball players. In this 1992 movie from Mr Ron Shelton, Messrs Wesley Snipes and Woody Harrelson play the perfect odd couple, always bickering, always taunting and boasting. But it’s Ms Rosie Perez I watch this movie for. She’s winning as Gloria, Billy’s smart, self-educated, takes-no-nonsense girlfriend.

If you’re good enough to have a professional sports career post college, you’ll need an agent. And while Jerry Maguire (1996) is perhaps most famous for its romantic storyline (“You complete me”), I’m more fascinated by its insight into the business side of winning. Jerry desperately trying to keep his players after suggesting the industry could be kinder, more gentle. A father making life-changing, financially gobsmacking deals for his gormless teenage son. And the brotherly love story between Jerry (Mr Tom Cruise) and his most demanding client, Rod (Mr Cuba Gooding Jr).