THE JOURNAL
Illustration by Bruno Mangyoku
We all know the edict: only between Memorial Day and Labor Day should you even think about wearing white. But when it comes to white jeans, is even that too much? The pitfalls of pale pants are well known. You’ll want to stand well away from children and condiments – and especially children with condiments. That aside, you have to ask yourself if you really want your jeans to be the main character of your outfit. The worse-case scenario here is teetering into boy-band territory. Or ending up a meme.
There are those among us, however, who have turned wearing white jeans into an art form – and not just as a canvas for a Pollock of spilt foodstuffs. What’s more, they’re sporting these eye-catching trousers all year-round, well beyond the designated summer months. For these guys, white denim can be a sartorial signature. A calling card to raise your gam game.
In short – if not shorts – white jeans are not for every man. Could they be for you? Below, two polar-opposite viewpoints on optically white trousers.
The magic of white jeans
By David McKendrick, creative director
I’m not a religious man, but I do believe in the power of the universe. And white jeans possess an unfathomable mystical force. When you put them on, magic can happen.
Not all of this white-jeans magic is good magic, mind. That magnetic energy that draws tomato ketchup towards them, and wills excitable puppies to wriggle free of their owner’s lead to jump up on them with muddy paws, can make ownership of a pair – or five, as I currently have; three the exact same brand and cut – an expensive habit.
In the decade or so that I have made white jeans my trademark item, I haven’t found a 100 per cent infallible method of cleaning them, either. My process is the direct application of washing-up liquid as a one-hour, pre-wash stain treatment, then a standard long 40°C machine wash. Even so, you have to accept that you will sometimes need to live with the battle scars.
“A pair will instantly lift any outfit, including the darkest of sweaters, on the darkest of days”
No matter how careful you are, there will be a moment when a stain will kill them. When a dish with too much turmeric – turmeric! – will deal the decisive blow. Which might be why, over the past 10 years, I’ve bought around 50 pairs, at a total cost equivalent to that of a decent used car.
And then there’s the magic that makes it all worthwhile. The fact that a pair will instantly lift any outfit, including the darkest of sweaters, on the darkest of days. That they can bring excitement to any day. Or the sorcery that brought me and my wife together.
The first time I met Matilda was when she was being interviewed for a position at my studio – now that’s another story. My intentions were entirely and innocently platonic when I greeted her, I promise. But I was struck by her beauty, and the fact that we were both wearing white jeans. And the words just fell out. “Nice jeans, by the way,” I fumbled in my strong Glaswegian accent. “Inspired, I know.” I think I thought I was being funny.
This immortal line was met with a bemused look and a polite nod. Being Parisian, she had no clue what I’d just said, and assumed it was a passing remark about her portfolio. Regardless, nearly seven years later, we are very happily married with two kids, who also have wee white jeans in their wardrobes.
David McKendrick is creative director and editor of PAPERBOY magazine
Never wear white jeans
By Finlay Renwick, Head of Content, MR PORTER
I’d like to preface this by saying that, alongside some other divisive items like Chelsea boots and leather jackets, white jeans are the sort of thing that can be pulled off by a select few… but not many. When done right, they instil a raffish, laissez-faire halo. Here, in his white jeans, is a man at ease with himself. Someone who knows how to navigate the byzantine social webs of the Hamptons or Ibiza in August. Someone who just takes the whole of August off, in fact. Someone who knows the scoring format of polo and isn’t scared of a little ketchup hovering near the edge of the table.
Just because you can, doesn’t mean that you should, though. Most of the white denim I’ve seen in the wild over the years has not given off a “scion of an Italian industrial dynasty summering in the Mediterranean” vibe. More: “There’s a guy over there wearing really, really white trousers. Wait, why are his trousers so white?”
“Often just a bit too tight, a bit too short and a bit too pristine, white jeans can very easily wear you”
Often just a bit too tight, a bit too short and a bit too pristine, white jeans can very easily wear you. We’ve all fallen foul to swinging for something that’s outside of our sartorial comfort zone. This is part of the fun of developing your own sense of style, of course, but comes with its own sense of jeopardy – an outfit that ought to be on someone much younger; a pair of cowboy boots when you’re from Twickenham not Tennessee. Can I pull off this hat? It looked good in the mirror, right? That was definitely a look of envy and not pity. Everyone loves my cool new hat!
Part of the problem is that men often feel the need to reinvent themselves for warmer weather, which can result in casualties such as white jeans that don’t fit, dodgy sandals and linen shirts in varying shades of washed peach. White jeans work when they look like they’ve been lived in for a while, beaten up and exposed to some sea air and long lunches with a view. Clean, of course, but not box-fresh sausage casings introduced for a one-off summer holiday.
Also, do you want to be the white-jeans guy? Think about it carefully. Sit with it for a while. Because when you put on those white jeans, now you’re the white-jeans guy.
And, also also, what shoes are you supposed to wear with them?