THE JOURNAL
Illustration by Kaitlin Brito
In case you haven’t heard – and we don’t like to make a fuss about it – MR PORTER turns 15 years old this month. A bit of an inconsequential birthday, really, at least in human years. It’s not quite 16, so we can’t do any of the fun stuff yet, but we can at least watch an age-appropriate film in our local cinema. Surely that’s something worth celebrating?
If you ask us, though, every birthday is worth celebrating. Every odd number, every not-quite-milestone, every milestone-plus-one. Our argument is a simple one: life is short and we spend majority of it working, so any chance to enjoy ourselves should be seized with both hands. Birthdays offer us just that – a recurring, socially acceptable opportunity to take the day off and have fun.
Why, then, do so many men seem to not care about their birthdays at all, while others look forward to them with the enthusiasm they might muster for a prostate exam? Survey after survey has shown that men are less likely than women to announce their birthdays to their friends, less likely to take the day off work and less likely to organise a social event to mark the occasion. Anecdotally, we’ve heard of men going to such extreme lengths to avoid the birthday spotlight as arranging a solo hiking trip or a digital detox retreat to coincide with the date. Why the reluctance, fellas?
There are a few factors at play here, not all of them unique to men. One of the most significant is age. What is a birthday, after all, but an annual reminder of the inexorable passage of time? It’s only natural to feel a pang of anxiety at the prospect of getting older. And birthdays, especially landmark ones, are reliable triggers for bringing these feelings bubbling up to the surface.
Adding to this is a sense of unease at being the centre of attention. While this is another universal trigger – both men and women alike recognise the primal fear of being serenaded in the middle of a restaurant or, God forbid, open-plan office – it is felt more acutely by men raised on traditional ideals of masculinity. To these guys, the birthday ritual can feel like a needy plea for validation, entirely at odds with how society imagines men ought to behave.
What many men find especially difficult about birthdays, though, is the pressure to have achieved personal or professional milestones by the time they reach a certain age. In a world that all too often measures a man’s value by his job title or the contents of his bank account, birthdays have become a sort of unofficial annual performance review. If the CV isn’t where we expected it to be at 35 or 50, it can feel like a personal failure.
With all that psychological baggage, it’s little wonder that so many of us would rather sweep our birthdays under the carpet or play them down as “just another day”. But there are equally compelling reasons why your big day should be a bigger deal. Here are just a few reasons to make your next birthday a special one.
01. We’re living through a male loneliness crisis
We’re currently experiencing an epidemic of male loneliness, with men hit harder as they get older. This can be partly explained by the fact that adulthood has fewer built-in social occasions, leaving men responsible for organising their own social lives – something we’re notoriously reluctant to do. A birthday is a vital oasis in this social desert, acting as one of the few reliable, recurring excuses to get together with friends.
02. Life is short
Birthdays can be anxiety-inducing because they force us to confront our mortality. Another year on the clock means another year closer to the grave. It’s a chilling thought, but seen from another perspective, it becomes an urgent call to action. If every year gone by is one less opportunity to celebrate, then there’s really no excuse for letting the day pass by quietly. You’ll only regret it later.
03. Work isn’t everything
We spend most of our waking hours at work. As a result, we tend to measure our progress through life as we might do a career: KPIs, objectives, achievements. Birthdays are a rare chance to shift focus and remind us that we are more than our net worth, our job title or our position on the housing ladder. Stepping away from the grind temporarily allows us to find a healthier definition of success, one rooted in resilience, emotional maturity and the wisdom gained through the years. Which, to us, sounds like something worth commemorating.
04. Did we mention the gifts?
Even if you hate your birthday with a burning intensity, everyone loves a gift, don’t they? Without pointing out the obvious, keeping your birthday under the radar is a surefire way to guarantee you won’t be unwrapping many MR PORTER packages on the big day. However, keeping your birthday to yourself doesn’t mean you can’t show yourself a little love. Self-gifting is self-care, so if there’s something you’ve had your eye on for a while, but haven’t quite been able to justify, your birthday might just be the perfect excuse to treat yourself.